daring to be
look inside me
clearly I’m bleeding
skin is peeling
open wounds healing
People talk about wounded healers. Carl Jung described this archetype as personal “hurt that gives a measure of…power to heal” and lived this life, as countless others, who dare to face darkness in order to open the curtains and let the light shine. Trauma causes pain and discomfort, but when processed, can open our eyes, wake us from a culturally induced slumber, and gift those who seek to conquer evil with purpose, to heal others.
As a child, I always believed I would be a teacher and counselor. My dreams were cut short by a series of traumatic events and those events were covered with superficial means to cope. I buried my pain in hopes that it never would surface. Yet from the depths of the ocean my pain rose to meet my fantastical reality. Chaos had arrived. I avoided the mirror. I avoided others. I became engulfed in the waves that crashed at my feet. Slowly, I floated out into the deep, to find I could not swim. Quickly, I was overtaken by depression, anxiety, voices, memories, and pain so severe I could not breath. I was drowning.
How did I survive? Countless hours spent talking with a trusted Christian counselor (I deliberately choose someone who believed) that I still confer when needed, started taking college courses to fulfill a dream, started blogging about my experiences of late and to muse about the past, and forgiving and learning to love with open arms. This is a journey that I am glad to partake, yet I grimace at my words. Are they good enough? I still feel inferior. I still harbor pain that is best shaken off. I still hold my breath in fear. The unknown is always a dangerous place. I guard my heart feverishly and give luxuriously. Take what you need and pass along to others along the way.
Psalm 22:24 For he has not despised or scorned
the suffering of the afflicted one;
he has not hidden his face
from him but has listened to his cry for help.