On dying, phobias and watching tv (or the meaning in it all)

To fear the inevitable, is to keep the television on, knowing there is nothing worth watching. 

–Jeanne October 14, 2016

She waited to tell them,
afraid of their answer.
Smirks of unbelief
or torrents of grief?

Their grief she couldn’t believe
as they stared into the television
fake lives seeming real,
hollow thoughts approaching the mist.

A balance of unpredictable
fearing plans to take place,
she doesn’t need to talk
when she’s feeling fine.

Thoughts irrational
thinking it could happen,
not the same as doing,
finding control with time.

Calm herself among closed space
a sympathetic crib 
spread wide grandma’s quilt 
ignore the pictures on the wall

pull a pillow over
lie in apprehension
can’t stand the gasping
get beyond the gasping.

she didn’t think about living or dying but becoming numb without feeling, afraid to open her eyes.

She lived to write
waiting for the words to dry
wondering if they’d read her letter
felt the fear coming on.

the tv screen white, 

all a bit fuzzy, 

she didn’t think about living or dying but becoming numb without feeling, 

afraid to open her eyes.

 

 

Memoir Poetry

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