Again.


What is that feeling i am feeling? Again. 

There are people I need to get out of my life. Im conflicted though. I might miss them and never find them.  Lost to me forever.

—–

Is this my heart that aches? A fever in my head? Symptoms of a mental breakdown? 

I have been busier than usual, spread thin. I tell myself “You were fine before, this time is no different.” Or is it?

Slow down. Regroup. 

I have lost my brother, brother-in-law, my mom, dad, two sisters in 9 years. Now I face my daughter and watch her struggle. The world feels as if it is falling apart. Actually it is.

So why are you forsaking me too? Can you not see the pain inflicted? If i leave you first will i be less heartbroken? 

—–

Do i dare step on the ground? The petals droop as i pass by. I sit in Job’s chair and wail. 

Must i be confined to this misery? Where is the relief? I can’t stand underneath this umbrella any longer!! How will i survive?

5 thoughts on “Again.

  1. You feel pretty much down – it is not surprising since you have lost so many loved ones in so few years.
    This may, in part, be what is wrong with your daughter (loss of loved ones).
    I think it is a good idea to slow down. It will give you chance to orientate yourself.
    For you, the world you have known is falling apart – you have a recognition that it is.
    But there will still be a world at the end of this – people still with you, some perhaps somewhere else (and I’m not talking of your daughter – she has recognised how she feels and, with your help, is seeking what she needs to get through this).
    Keep on writing. Writing in itself is therapeutic.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I firmly believe in the saying ‘There is nothing to fear but fear itself’..It’s when we are at our lowest, we are also at our weakest and most vulnerable. It’s when the World is falling down all around us, that we become convinced we are totally doomed, stuffed. Those are all thoughts, that lie. Your mind is ever changing, never sticking to one thing, deciding something else, and you can rely only on one thing as far as your mind is concerned….IT WILL SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU! and make you THINK stuff that won’t happen. You will be OK! promise x x

    Liked by 2 people

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