a little bit of this…

I submitted a poem for the April 2017 prompt on Sharon Wagner’s blog, Indiana poet Laureate, 2017, and it is posted here.  If you could see me in person you would see my bashful, anxious side.  The one that questions everything I do.  Am I good enough? Most likely not.  Why do they like my poem? Most likely reasons I would rather not know.  I am self-destructive.  Even if I were to be a successful writer I still would never believe I am.  Self-pity? No.  It is real this self-deprecation.  Regardless it is not healthy and I realize that but I will never overcome an ingrained habit from childhood.  When a child hears voices in the next room talk about how my dreams will never materialize, I am not good enough and every other put-down imaginable is said out loud it damages your psyche.

I missed out on the poetry reading last Thursday because of my self-consciousness.  It may be a fault most creative types experience.  I have heard over and over others who write, draw, dance or act that they are forever second guessing, editing ad-nauseum and hiding in the dark.  For those who overcome, find courage and fear is left behind, I applaud you.  You are much further along on this lonely road we tread.  Be well.  J

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