Posted in Musings, Poetry

What the hell?

We all seem to have something bothering us. Takes honey to catch flies. So why are we spitting vinegar?

I have my few friends. The loyal ones. Thank you for inquiring. But i plan on disappearing over yonder.

There, the sky shines as bright as ever. Forever.

If… i were to shut down this blogging, this would be how i would say goodbye. Goodbye, the toughest word to say. Is it not?

I get in these funky moods every so often. Feel like i need to run and hide. Tired of the belly aching. I get it! Life sucks! But so does complaining.

I have had my share of trauma and travesty. People so dear to my heart left this earth much more abruptly! Yes, i would love to get up and go.

But where?

Here. I suppose. This means I am staying. I think i would rather go. Nothing against you. I really don’t know you. It’s me i know and i can’t stand the sound of my words anymore.

We come with masks. Interchangeable. Can’t really tell which one to wear today. Don’t really want you to see me.

What the hell? This rambling has got to stop. What is it i try to say anyhow?

21 thoughts on “What the hell?

  1. Take control of what you can control Jeanne and that is listening to your instincts. If you feel you need a break, take that break. You are a marvelous artist in words and paint and from what I had the pleasure to read so far by the little personal snippets you shared, a beautiful soul. Take good care of that soul πŸ˜‰
    Big hug, XxX

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Wow! Must be something to this feeling we encounter. Simply tired? Or is there more to this wanting to call it quits? You know i always enjoy interacting with you on philosophical and emotions. On Instagram? Facebook? Would love to keep in touch! 🍻

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I remember a conversation we had concerning similar ramblings. Yes? I need to take my own advice! β€οΈβœŒπŸΌβ˜€οΈ I need to be disciplined and stay off social media but my curiosity and need of connection will get the best of me. I will end up here before i am emotionally or mentally ready and make myself sick again. I am my own worst monster. Never mind those lingering souls haunting under the bed!! 😱

    BTW, i may be moving close to Walden Pond in Concord MA. Assuming your Walden is such. Leaving for Boston tomorrow to check out housing. Be well!!! πŸ€—πŸŽΆ

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, we had a conversation about following our dreams. I need to be more discipline too, sometimes I log out of Facebook, only to find myself logging back in less than an hour. Indeed, we are our worst enemy! Instead of us using social media, I think social media is using us and I have to remind myself not to be used by it!!πŸ˜‚
      I suppose Walden Pond as it is now is very different than it was. It would still be nice to visit though. All the best and looking forward to your updates! πŸ’ŒπŸ‘πŸ€

      Liked by 1 person

      1. From what i read, Walden Pond is open to everyone to swim and many keep up Thoreau’s practice. I have visited before and i feel the ghosts of the past transcend time. β€οΈπŸ•ŠβœŒπŸΌπŸ™πŸΌπŸŽΆπŸŽΆπŸŽΆ Keep in touch if you can. Keep your dreams 😘

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  3. People stop blogging for various reasons and then I wonder how they are doing. I had a similar rambling few months ago. When I have enough of this world, I am going to leave and if that day comes, I may not be able to say good bye in time.
    Of course I love to see you stay. I also treasure the moments that you are here. Wherever you are, I wish the best for you ❀

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    1. Appreciate that sentiment. ✌🏼❀️ You are absolutely right. I need a break. And not feel guilty while being away. Or feel i am less of a writer than others. Or compare myself and be so harsh! A mentor told me to get that instant satisfaction of social media is addicting. She is so right! Being lonely artists and introverts, we feed off the likes and camaraderie. We need the attention. A blog post about that phenomenon is needed. I am guilty of this predicament and my perfectionist nature and competitiveness pushes me to go where i shouldn’t tread. Thank you for your support!!!! β˜€οΈπŸ‘‹πŸ»


      1. Having blogged for a bit, I understand! If you are so inclined, you could compile your responses as a post with its own merit; these are honest and thoughtful words. Still rooting! πŸ‘πŸΌ

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Happens to everyone from time to time…our energy is like cell phone energy, eventually we need to recharge. πŸ™‚ (at this point I’d put in one of those heart emoji’s except I don’t know how to…so, “heart” )

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Don’t go. This silent screen is often ALL we have. So, stay. Because, the screen ain’t leaving. And, I am sorry if my “complaining” got to you. If you lived here, you’d understand; things have been one horror after another – all about powerplays, all about the sneak. I’m a bell ringer, by NATURE. I plan to clang away!

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    1. Being empathetic it gets to me when i cant do anything. Or nothing gets solved. My own voice and thoughts grate on me. You keep talking. Do what you need to. There is no paradise and that ultimately is what gets me down. I go through this with all social media. Its a love/hate romance. Facebook and Instagram is the same. If i had the perfect solution it would be to disappear, but only if i had the perfect relationship. An aries and a pisces just grate on each other. Me being the pisces I’m easily taken back by his aries aggressiveness. It is what it is. Im sure i will keep writing. πŸ’”πŸ˜” as if that makes sense. The stress of moving is getting to me and causing this mental anguish. Keep being Ruth Ann!! Never mind my ramblings. I am part of the problem…. πŸ€•

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      1. Seriously? I, too, am literally caught with an Aries. He has to have his world, and lead it, and I refuse to be led, as a Taurus, so there you have it. Tonight was particularly excruciating. Why we do it? Is there addiction running the show? Sadly.

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      2. I don’t feel I’m caught… he has been a knight to me. He has saved me from the world on occasion (for instance i have not had to work for 30 years). Although in need of redemption in areas. He is not perfect so i get disappointed when he can’t be emotional and understanding. I accept him and give lots of grace. It works. And to his credit, he tries to change for me. We do life differently today. He gets jealous and wants to write poetry with me (😱🀣) so we are working on each other. And i have to say a few men out in cyberspace are pretty attractive to me. But they understand life’s limits. We are good friends. TMI? 🀯🀣 After a good nights sleep im better. Less on edge. I need a break. A hiatus. Recoup my energy. The stress of moving from Indiana to Boston is not helpful. All my writing room is packed up and will be in storage for over 2 months. Im heart sick!!! πŸ’” And my paints r packed away too.

        Keep being Ruth Ann!! πŸ€—βœŒπŸΌβ€οΈ

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