Evolution of Jeanne

May 25, 2020. Wabi-Sabi. New beginnings embracing what will become. And accepting the condition of my heart and soul where I am.

“I am nobody. Who are you?” Emily Dickinson poetically asks. I found my voice in her voice, on a journey of seasons, answering questions along the way. Anxiety and depression surfaces in my poetry with sparkling diamonds of joy sprinkled within. At the end, searching for elusive strength, pushing me through gorges and crags, I will find. (2009-2014).

Love spins my world. Out of the maze of life comes simplicity. Love is simple.  (2015)

First drafts a dawning day. Night, doom to a soul determined. Death, a weary friend.(2016)

Lines: living outside of the box (2017)

IT IS one month into the year 2017  and already I am itchy to change.

Two words converged: BORDERLINE CROSSING

I tried to define what my mind was thinking and really could not pin myself down, so I leave it at this…curious and undefined.  I like it.  It says who I AM!

2016’s Purpose

Change: landscape fashioned from wind and rain and sun.

Life’s advice.  Embarking on a journey is left to circumstance. What remains at the end of the road is yet to be seen. Start walking with no expectations. Be ready for surprise!

Understand the risks and rewards of living. Know it is possible to see positive change along with the negative twin, a mirrored image spelled backwards. Brace yourself for the travel. Plan ahead!

Construct a vision board with inspirational platitudes. Live more, laugh more, cuddle and look for goodness where none exists. Find strength and win. Be creative. Love sets the mood for family and acknowledge everyone is a hero. No matter how small or unfinished their life. Imagine and try to understand another perspective, walking in their worn out shoes. Be brave!

Go to the beach and just be lazy.  Let the waves sing a lullaby.

I hope to find answers. You may be looking for something else. Don’t stop searching!

2017’s Purpose

Another year approaches.
Another year departs.

This will be a monumental year for me.  I will finally graduate with my Bachelor’s in Social Work (12/16/2017).  I was officially sworn in, 12/11/2016, by Judge Johnson as a Child Advocate for the juvenile court system of Indianapolis and I look forward to meeting the child I will represent.  I had privilege to sit in court one day to hear cases and it was absolutely an experience.   I have compassion for these people, they have lost their way.

I wonder who are the cruelest of people?  We sit in judgment not to cast doubt on their ability to parent but rather to correct wrong behavior and yet they continually fail to understand.  They give up their rights out of weariness.  I hope I can be a champion for one child. Bring a voice to the mute.  I pray lives are mended and forgiveness a balm to broken hearts.  I pray for wisdom as I listen to the story of one child, one family in a sea of others.

Every face tells a story and how often we fail to read the truth.

The year is 2018

Emotions get the best of me. I try and walk the straight and narrow. I dump all caution to the wind and wonder why I struggle in this muck I bring upon myself. I may never learn.

I am in an in-between stage. Is this creative puberty? My writing does not seem to improve with age but I get a few comments, now and then, telling me to keep going. Do not give up! Your star is hanging low and if you reach a little higher you might just grab and tame the light. They tell me to keep it in my pocket for dark days to come.

I fight this feeling to let go. I am sure you have read plenty of posts where I was ready to hang up this blog. Then I realize you never get everything you want but you will get what you need. Right? I think someone else said this and the tune is humming in the back of my mind. A good reminder that it takes mental stamina, endless loneliness, determined effort and possibly a bit of luck. Although, not sure about the luck. But being in the right place at the right time might just give me the boost I need to believe in my self. Again. After all, I was cheered on to write in my youth by the person who kept me hidden for my own good. Unfortunately, I am a sponge, easily squeezed of life.

I think it would have been better for me had she let me go. Find heart ache.

All this changed when a blogger saw something inside my heart that was seeping out in trickles, through words strung like pearls. Unfortunately, I am easily netted and cannot shake the ties that bind my feelings to a blank screen that feeds me nothing.

So I go forward today. All hope enclosed within. I will keep writing, no matter the pain it brings. The tears produced. The sweat induced. This sorrow I will carry in my heart as people enter my life and exit through my pores, leaving behind an essence I try and capture for future days. Days when loneliness is too much to bear and I whisper into the wind, waiting for someone to hear.

Part of my being is to be completely understanding even if I am left pained. Self-inflicted wounds are a familiar feeling. I easily act upon my fragile heart. This is a side of me I rarely, if ever before today, have confessed. I assume silence makes people comfortable. It leaves me wounded. I can rage like a trapped bear. Other times I whimper like a captured mouse in a exercise wheel. Run through my thoughts, unending. Getting no where, fast!

I will never change this piece of me. It is what makes me the most proud. To say I have sat with the hurting and have tried to bring a smile to their face. For this I will never apologize. For this I will pass away and glow for future people to know that it is not things we possess but the essence of others. I venture forward, in hopes I can become a star, guiding paths with wisdom and grace, for future hearts.

Happy writing, J

41 thoughts on “Evolution of Jeanne

  1. Hello, Jeanne; I am honoured that you chose to follow my blog at: Through The Cracked Window. I find your site refreshing and honest, also the reference you make to your, “Journey Of Seasons,” caught my eye as I published a book several years ago titled, “A Pallette Of Seasons,” it is nice to see that the paths we travel are not always as lonely as we might think: Stephen

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stephen, I love when someone takes time to leave a token note, so thank you. We are fashioned in countless ways and paths do converge on occasion. Yeah! J


  2. Hi! this is Charlie Zero the Poet. Thank you for responding back on the community forum. So, you’re experiencing the same thing huh? Have you fixed it? You think WordPress tech support can fix this problem?

    P.S Hope to hear from you soon.


    1. No. My phone app works fine. I rebooted firefox. I updated firefox. Set my cookies. Nothing. Its tough typing on my phone but works for now. Hope they respond sooner than later. My wrists are feeling the angles.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m using my desktop computer. I also did the same thing, rebooted firefox, updated, and clean out all cookies, nothing.

        I’m hoping WordPress fixes the problem. Have you tried writing to them straight through tech support?

        If they don’t respond back. I’m going to write to them.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. If you ask me ARE YOU SOMEBODY TOO my answer would be you know what – to Quote Emily Dickinson. Thanks for following my blog chithankalai. I also publish a print and digital magazine by name THE WAGON MAGAZINE. Please see: http://thewagonmagazine.com/ . It is a protected site since print version is also involved. you can read my editorial post and one more column by title ‘ IS POETRY DEAD?. And also the archived articles. If you like to read the current issue let me know. I will see to it that a username and password generated for you and sent.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Love MAY BE simple, but it really need kindling everyday throughout your life if you want to sustain it, making it lasting and grow stronger! Don’t ever take it for granted!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I look forward to watching Norway unfold. My great-grandmother and grandfather are from Finland, close neighbors to you. Cheers, J


    2. Oh yes. Strength and courage to be, blessing with kindness, purposefully impacting the dark. Agree! Thanks again for being a part of my world and i look forward to Norway’s beauty you lovingly share. Peace, J


  5. Thanks for subscribing to my blog, Jeanne.
    Here you’ll find more than 5000 ‘full screen pictures’ from Norway, – and hopefully new inspiration for more beautiful poems? And if you cherish what you find, please don’t hesitate to tell your friends about us?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. These lines from Fruit Gathering by Rabindranath Tagore come to my mind now,

    I WILL MEET one day the Life within me, the joy that hides in my life, though the days perplex my path with their idle dust.
    I have known it in glimpses, and its fitful breath has come upon me making my thoughts fragrant for a while.
    I will meet one day the Joy without me that dwells behind the screen of light-and will stand in the overflowing solitude where all things are seen as by their creator.

    Nice to see the honesty and simplicity in this blog. Wish you love , joy and peace.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. “My thoughts fragrant for a while.” Yes!

      I yearn for whatever is beautiful. Still, I never shy away from the raw edges that need binding. My love of quilting; the fabric of life, resting in another’s warmth, love healing a bleeding heart. Oh, how I long to be able to quilt again. Too much sorrow right now. Thanks for visiting and sharing such impactful words. Blessings abundant, He came to bring life, J

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Beautiful piece! I love how your blog is so differently set out. It is one of the stand outs from many that i have come across, Instant follower of you now, cheers! πŸ™‚


    1. Yes!! I was away from blogging awhile. A writing rest. I am delving back into the sphere of thought and I am happy to reunite with blogging friends. Great to hear from you. πŸ˜€


  8. Always searching, never finding, holding onto hope. Always doing, never reaping, giving into smoke.The fog does lift and beneath it lies what every one desires. Understanding, what meager minds can bear. Peace Brett, not as the world gives, to all who will receive.


  9. Thanks for coming by to like my last post on Backyard Philosophy. I really appreciate it. HAve a nice day and keep up your spiritual search!


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