i am not neglecting you. personal musings unleashed.

Sorry i have not had time to peruse your blogs. I am usually quite attentive. Of late i am swirling in personal obligations. Life is happening… again. I am fully alive and grateful to have passed through ten years of darkened days, oft taken for night. Days of sleep are now past. I am busy setting up a home in Massachusetts. Last week was spent in Cape Cod while our red oak floors were refinished. The floors are beautiful again. I am feeling beautiful too! 😍😘😊

Never have i felt so at peace. Not since Christmas 1990, when finally in 1995, i was awakened to grace and forgiveness… my rollercoaster emotions in 2008 took me drowning in feels of self-defeat. Grief. Guilt. Despair. A season of MDD with psychosis set in. Luckily minds change. So mine is too! For the better. A healing is happening in this house move.

I will get to your blogs. In time. I have not forgotten you. You matter. I will be by soon enough…

some of my time spent in art galleries…

I Hope That You Cry When You Read This Post – Because Crying Is Healthy (reblog)

New follower and i look forward to reading more of his posts!

I Hope That You Cry When You Read This Post – Because Crying Is Healthy

β€” Read on kevymichaels.blog/2018/07/10/i-hope-that-you-cry-when-you-read-this-post-because-crying-is-healthy/

personal musings unleashed.

Learned something new today. Moments. Happen.

I have loved but one man. For thirty years. This experience leaves me rather naive about men and love and how the world works. I have never smoked, taken drugs and my first taste of alcohol was to drown pain at 48. It is three years later and my penchant for rum, brandy and vodka is growing. One feels freer under a bottle’s influence of twisted words and greedy sex. And then he arrived. Hungrier than me. A stinger, a fighter, a god. And he took to my attention, selling wares of satisfaction, provided i comply.

Where am i in all of this? Living in a dream that strikes fear in my heart. A complying pisces who strikes the bait, knowing full well the line can be reeled in, one netted and unable to free herself from captivity!

No! Swim faster…nothing turns out right… miscommunication, ha! amongst writers? it happens and is happening… can you not see my heart… veiled by modesty…

can you not hear my desire… to be friends? ha! amongst writers… where ego takes over

and all sadness aside… my loneliness is welcome… simply wanted, needed, desired a muse…

and you needed, wanted, desired

more than i can, could, will give.

and i will act like i am not hurt but i am hurt. terribly!

My Facebook Rant (reblog)

I notice people of varying races like to point out faults of other races… and religion and sexes. So in my INFP Facebook group i wrote:

Equal disgust to any person, regardless of race, religion, sex, etc., right? Because its great people talk … so next time you defend another religion, race, sex, etc., for doing same, remember your outrage at this. Next post could easily be someone you couldnt believe would be so barbaric, like MS13 gang or muslim jihadist or fill-in-the blank with murderers, rapists, which knows no bounds… try speaking out against them as well. And how about defending the children sold and appearing in US court with no parent showing up to claim them. Defend the girls in the middle east stoned to death… but still breathing. Defend the white christian south africans being massacred. Or even black christians in nigeria. You get the point.

Have heard nothing yet. No feedback… waiting.

My other point of view… on my personal page.

Hate knows no bounds. I find it particularly aggravating when we point out a race, religion or sex committing evil against another. It is the mind, heart and soul that is damaged that is capable of committing atrocity more than the skin color. Some people commit crimes, who adhere to a particular worldview, based on ethnicity or religion and even sex, but they are twisting what is normally a peaceful existence. At least i hope so. So…. when someone points out a β€œwhite” β€œbrown” or β€œblack” person, which really is varying degrees and shades, let us remember we all have light in our background. All humanity begins with light. Let us not twist humanity into evil and box us into stereotypical groups. All people are capable of committing evil. All.

Share your Story

Join Cee this Monday, July 9, 2018 and share your world…

What would you name the autobiography of your life?

Meet Me Outside

Which do you prefer sweet, salty or buttery?Β 

Salty.

What’s the finest education?

Although experience is the greatest teacher, it is often harsh. Reading living books as per the Charlotte Mason philosophy. One can survive reading a book.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week?

Spent yesterday with a friend at the Institute of Contemporary Art/Boston, showed off my house and met her sister and brother-in-law.

personal musings unleashed.

thoughts from mid June 2018

As of late i have been thinking. Endlessly the wheel rotates and nothing new is generated. My therapist called it rumination. And typically rumination has led to increased anxiety.

My anxiety is spiked. Last weekend i ran to the White Mountains. Last night i ran to Prospect Hill, to watch the sunset over Mount Wachusett.

The end was fiery.

Soon those sunsets will be a permanent reality. Life is changing. Again. Hopefully for happier memories.

A new home is on the horizon. My phoenix. My vision ripening.

This home sits across the street from a working farm. Soon my mornings will be greeted by crowing and clucking and baaaaahing. Words i can understand. Their bleetings a welcome greeting.

And i will be taking music lessons. The past homeowners are leaving behind a piano. My mother always talked of how she wanted to learn to play. She was comforted by her regrets. I learned wishes are useless unless you move to make them real.

(All the photos were taken by my daughter while i drove obeying all rules. Unlike this poor fellow or gal.)

Update: i am moved in. On Monday, July 2, 2018, boxes of stuff were dropped off. Time to unpack. So far, my mood is stable. I am ridiculously happy…

July 2nd’s sunset. Mild. Predictable. Like clockwork… i am.

Art of Conversation (reblog)

Art of Conversation 3-2-1 Quote Challenge

Hey πŸ‘‹πŸ» Good Day 🌞 Rory! Happy to participate and thank you kindly!! ✌🏼🎡🎢

Conversation. What is it? A Mystery! It’s the art of never seeming bored, of touching everything with interest, of pleasing with trifles, of being fascinating with nothing at all.

Guy de Maupassant, France, short-story author

I’m always saying “Glad to’ve met you” to someone I’m not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.

Holden Caufield, Catcher in the Rye

I should talk, but i’d rather not, for fear the chance i say something disagreeable and end dear friendships. Yes, i oft agree, conversations cannot be feared, as J.D Salinger trusted not his voice or modern translation amiss, Shakespeare becomes too rough for our time. Rather, conversations are art, when quaint and cheery, let us say… Bilbo Baggins, as he takes a puff on his pipe and embarks on a trek across lands. So, should you ask, inquire of me, i should like to talk… if given half a chance. Jeanne

You are cordially invited to participate. If you do, tag Aguycalledbloke. Thank you.

And Happy Independence Day to all Americans… let no monarchy thought, trap you into believing fairy-tale dreams come true. America is not Disney World as many are led to believe.

personal musings unleashed

Every time you try fixing other’s problems, pride becomes the new problem. Let us call it a Savior’s mentality that becomes overblown. You may have your pet humanitarian projects… mine happen to be homeless women and children. My heart is ravished by their plight… but realistically i know my attempt to help is fruited by a few apples. I cannot carry a bushel when a peck is more than i can chew!

That hurts! What pains me even more are accusations of others who cannot possibly hear the ache creaking as i wallow in grief… no one wants to see endless pain… but who is the real culprit here? Those trying to better their lives or those willing to survive on eager means and hoping someone digs them out of misery? We all want pleasure… the ease of life. Is it right to rant against those who are able to enjoy life?

There are certainly those who have more than me. We all have problems. Even the richest person has to carry broken-down cars, fuel-guzzling planes and derailed trains. Who really carries the weight of this world?

personal musings unleashed

as a child i nagged my parents to stop smoking… my dad was happy to quit and exclaimed “i can smell and taste again!” what should have been a breakthrough was left a defeat, mom moping and poking around, complaining as usual… she wanted her cigarettes… not wanting to smoke alone, she subsided the habit, never lit another cig again… she also never let me forget her misery was my fault…

today i am suppose to be packing… what little we brought to our temporary apartment, so i better scoot and tape up some boxes to haul stuff over to our new house… it is our home tomorrow! it feels like a Christmas, as it hasn’t felt since i got a Barbie Townhouse from Santa in the 3rd grade… i won’t go into a diatribe about the evils of believing in nonsense (perhaps another day i will reminisce about breaking my brother’s heart and getting an ass whooping) or how Barbie and Ken evokes sexual feelings in kids… might just let that be forever…

not going to fix humanity and i have given up trying… my egotistical complex has been put to rest… now off to calm this racing heart… and pack!

tomorrow waits for no one β˜€οΈπŸ˜

GLAD I GREW UP WITHOUT A PHONE IN MY HAND (reblog)

I would have missed days dreaming in the hayloft of grandpa’s barn, baking pies with grandma and romping through summer meadows full of flowers and butterflies. And you?

The lovely thing is tomorrow i am moving out to the country, across the street from a farm housing goats, chickens, a few barn cats and i wonder how my writing will shift? That and my piano and paints… i am sure some things on my blog will shift… so excited!! 😁🎢

β€” Read on namingmyvoice.wordpress.com/2018/06/21/glad-i-grew-up-without-a-phone-in-my-hand/