Posted in Photography, Poetry, prose

Worried (Thoughts Unleashed)

Borderline Crossing

My mind worries about everything. For instance, I contemplated if I should allow comments or turn them off on my blog. I don’t get many, so that is not the problem. The problem is coming across the right way in my answers. Please don’t get me wrong whatever I decide. I will only worry more.

Cinco de Mayo 2020

Then, I worry about food. My mother was very overweight and I was deathly afraid of ever having to be seen. So I refused food until I became a mother. Then I ate as if I never tasted spaghetti or tuna or chocolate chip cookies before. And I still have a propensity to over eat. I love the taste of food and I am a pretty damn good cook. Just wish I never had seen a plate, fork and knife. I am doomed.

Cape Cod Passions

And the last thing on my mind this morning is a dear friend who sent a note. Should I write back or wait a while? I once confessed a growing love while guilt tripped me up. The feelings were built over tides and shifting sand. I never intended to devour the sour or sweet. Meanwhile, insecurities continue to flourish under the bridge to cause more angst. Oh! to speak out loud, these morning thoughts, chases the sun away. I should go play under the clouds and worry alone.

Posted in Photography, Poetry, prose

Just Dance

Dance first. Think later.
It’s the natural order. —Samuel Beckett

What am I doing here? Does anybody really know? I suppose some of us do. The smart and put together ones.

I sit up nights worrying who I am. Resign myself to think I may never know. Knowing one day I am sunny and the next day I send shivers up the coolest cat in town.

Life was going swimmingly. I had plans. I felt my square edges had been rounded to fit in society’s cylinder vision. Then, you know, a virus spread like a bad case of halitosis. Why didn’t someone tell that person to keep their mouth shut? Yeah! I wouldn’t have the nerve to tell someone either.

Then I have another problem. The world is divided along political lines. And religion. And between truth, morality, and friendship. I’m somewhere in the gray area of exhaustion.

I realize I am as much to blame. So I sit and wonder. Will I have courage to change my life to compensate for these wavy thoughts.

No. Im not suicidal. Not this time.

Still, I need a break from this break. Sit awhile and sing me a song?

Posted in Photography, Poetry, prose

Moon Speak

You truly deserve all accolades you receive and not just from me. You are a steady hand, holding your pen. And if you feel otherwise, it does not show.

I agree with you about words. They are fickle. But only between my clutched hands. No taming them for me. They speak back and demand attention even when i try and confine them to secrecy.

They talk back and demand they be heard for my health. And my damnation. Wrestling words is not for the faint of heart and believe me i am a weak vessel to carry these words across the choppy waves. I desire peace but get mired in chaos daily.

I am a simple fool who believes love will always save the day!

Posted in Poetry, prose

Love Wars

Avoidance of pain. I’m realizing how i am trying my hardest not to feel and yet feeling deeply. I’ve let my mind wander. And I’m not sorry at all, to you, for gifting you value.

I like being in your space. And i know you’ve told me to go. Not in words but in other ways. And I still ignore. I knock. And wait.

I never meant to fall in love. I’m reeling. In circles I’ve taken, in towards your heart. And left you to fend off the tangled web I wove.

There is but this and I adore you.

Posted in Photography, Poetry, prose

run away.

Life is washing over me and my reaction muted. In the process of being overwhelmed i have lost a desire to share.

Will I find strength to shoot the barrel. Letters locked and loaded. They suffer and land on days grown cold.

The intimacy dares to run away. If I stay, will i manage to kill you this time?

I hear you tell me my words are too timid. That you survived the shot. Maybe that was my purpose… to spare your life.

I am fluid and change with time. As the sun moves across the printed page, shadows dance into my mind. I beg the letters to curtsy and bow to you, neighbor… apologize and exchange spaces with my love.

Know I am not ready to leave this world. Are you?

Someday it will be all that remains. Silence. It will be good to come back to the reborn self. The self who truly understands not in dreams. But in being the dream.

Posted in Poetry, prose, quotes

Disappear

I am.

I have not left home. Not yet. Not until tomorrow morning. I hope the coming days in Florida prove restful.

To be stuck in between dreams, for years, leaves me wanting to disappear while I finish off old memories and crave new ideas. To remain in limbo leaves me off kilter.

In Jane Austen’s Persuasion, proper manners, community, and romance fills the pages. But also spirit. I could easily fit into Jane’s 19th century.

I am. I am trying. Bending. Breaking. Falling. Obsessing over miles. The years span as eagle’s wings.

Praying. Mumbling. Beseeching spirits to know more! Craving what I cannot drink today. Reaching for the chalice far away.

This is a great start. I can persuade myself to step out and discover. To be my own heroine and find my future.

I am. Leaving, I disappear.

I am not. Now gone. I sail away on Calypso.

Posted in Musings, Photography, Poetry, prose

Found in the Lost Pile of Civility

The year 2018 is locked away. The key, fiery hot, so as not to entice people to hold on. Look back.

I look forward to 2019. My prayer focuses on the war of words, which has reached a feverish pitch. I honestly hope people’s superiority complexes does not burn down houses; leave room to erect new powers and diminish freedoms.

I smell the fires burning and there is little relief. In our condemnation, humanity in one fell swoop, dresses outlandish lies with mixed-up truths.

Only the tree is honest.

Seems to me
as we slowly decline,
we beat around the bush,
contemplate how to survive.
Generations realize this drift,
on a sail-less boat,
the cloth wrapped around our bleeding hearts,
words confessed on bended knees,
misses the sliver in private eyes.

Same old, same old story.
The beginning is the end.
The terror in other’s minds now belongs to us.
Realize hungry is, as was,
and nothing eaten ever satisfies.

Measure our words against ourselves
need I stand upon a soapbox,
add my rhetorict to humanity’s misery?
As ash buries the smoldering coals
are we aware we are wandering,
found among the lost pile of civility?

Posted in Photography, Poetry, prose

Heading out and feeling guilty…

Life is full. Rapturous. Engaging.

how
easily
swiftly
defeatingly
im drug back
to the war zone -death.

Sometimes death frees more than the person gone. Other times it chains hearts to dreams and wishes. And then there is death that haunts forever.

I think our Creator is wrong… love will not save the world. Unless love is required to discipline. Unless love is required to forgive. Unless love is no longer allowed to hate the enemy.

Posted in Poetry, prose

tomorrow

Frozen Pond Longing

Does it bother -you
or me
the way tinsel hangs
on the tree
or static waves -adjust
cling us
to every thing
and then we discuss?

i wonder where i am going with this poem? It hit me… wham! while brewing the morning coffee. It feels unfinished. Perhaps i do have more planned days ahead… another round of coffee, poured. Another night to contemplate what swims in my head.

Posted in Poetry, prose, quotes

bullshit and bile

In everyone’s “I’m not going to be phony, phoniness… ”

Ah, I just need to gripe to someone.

I can feel the volcanic ash rising. I’ve been burnt… smoldering for years. I need to release the trash compiled… hidden in recesses and crevices and tunnels.

Cut the crap! Get to the point! I leaf through the Sears Catalog, make my Christmas list, and it includes all I missed, being an adult. How did i miss childhood? While being my brother’s mother, my mother smothered me with her tears. I drowned in her fears.

Will i find my happiness in a bankrupt business? Maybe i can get in on that gig? Or rather i should roam the empty streets where dollar bills are strapped to soul-less shoes?

Is an egret an egret
or of another name
first determine nesting habits
and scope out long cafeteria lines
hungry is, as was,
we find
nothing ever satisfies…