One day. Twenty-four hours. I turned from wanting to interact with others to bonafide afraid for my life. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. Stinging nettles in my eyes. I can barely see to type…
Be wary of strangers. What you reveal in the throes of intensity. A passionate heart reels you in. Anger and cursing and wanting sex… glad i did not betray my privacy. Give out my number.
Feeling threatened by another blogger. I only want to write. Be friends. Explore the universe. So, please, don’t invite me into your hell to abuse me with cursing tirades. Your intention to destroy me should be shelved.
I won’t be contacting you even when my nature is to offer forgiveness and understanding. I do not trust a raging tiger with my life. My soul. Gladly i will go.
(You can contact me if you have remorse. I will accept an apology. Nothing more.)
Chewing on Glass has done it again. What? Drug a deeply buried nugget inside me, up to the surface, in order for me to see the light! I am opening up the curtains!!! The difficulty will be to keep them open. I will try to remember nothing (good?) grows in the dark, unwatered and starved. (Thanks to Emotions of Life for giving me/you food for thought regarding good versus bad growth.)
All unbeknownst to Layne, I am grateful he stepped forward and shared this blog post. Today, i will scurry to sit and think and get some where with my brother’s suicide. This memory stuck in neutral needs to be eventually parked in order for me to move forward. What stands in my way? The screeching tires, the rubber worn, the honking ignored, the empty tank, the dirty windshield…
Finally, i may get a few answers. I will need to rake through powerful memories. I cannot be afraid of the truth. And perhaps i will find closure. Perhaps not. I cannot fear to face the sorrow. The truth as raw and ugly as it appears.
The questions remain… What happened? Is it possible to heal? Maybe i will figure this out. Maybe not. But i do hope my faith is restored.
I love people. ☔️ I cannot stand what words form in their heads, exiting through perverted lips. I am in disbelief as i witness the world change and not for the betterment of people. It demands i too become an ignorant follower of self. I cannot find the true church. I relish past hugs from the Holy Spirit. Wind swept, i remain in those cherished moments He spoke to me. I ask forgiveness for this insistent disbelief since John left this earth. I miss my band of friends in Indiana. We did not hang out as much as i would have liked but at least i did not feel so lonely. Soon i will take a drive to the ocean. I pray the waves settle my heart enough to sleep tonight💜 🌊 and not continue to pray my soul joins my brother in heaven.
This world makes me sad. Constant bickering back ‘n forth without thinking. It would be wise to remember love is the greatest gift we give each other. Wish people understood love. It is not sex. It is not about feeling good. Although those are two great gifts, love is about working through the pain we cause each other. Bearing the brokenness of the world, is love enough!!!
Sigh. We finally made it to Boston! Well, on Wednesday we did.
I have been wakened from a deep slumber. It may have been a slow emerging but the move was not a gentle stirring. My life as i knew it has drastically shifted. I believe for the better.
While it seriously has been difficult to write I am content. The amount of pictures taken, sights heard and tasted, the feel of a place to call home, albeit only three months, is pure satisfaction.
I do miss my desk. Time spent alone. Next week will afford such space. Along with a chance to walk, pick up bus and T schedules, test out transportation options and go into Boston. Alone.
We took a drive yesterday to South Boston. Visited the Atlantic. Walked our Prince Louie! I tasted another bowl of New England Chowder. My first dive into tasting since moving here. On previous visits to Boston it was my goal to sample every restaurant’s chowder. Now I practically am in heaven with at least a monthly visit somewhere, to sample another bowl of creamy, buttery deliciousness.
Since we will only be at this location until the end of July, the majority of boxes were put in storage. I was met with quite a let down when i found out my paints, books and journals were placed on the wrong truck. What will i do until August?
I decided to bullet journal during these three lonely months and have been scavenging Pinterest for ideas. There are some mighty journalers out there. And a few on Instagram i follow. My Amazon package arrives Sunday and i can hardly wait to start doodling pages.
Today, an adventure awaits. A pizza tour of the North End. Our oldest daughter, who has lived in Boston five years, will join us to sample Boston’s Little Italy flavors with a few historic stops to hear stories of famous places and people who made Boston possible.
View of Boston from Castle Island in the Boston Harbor. It was quite the dreary day.
Prince Louie 💗 loves me!
I exist in prolific ponderings, defined as poetry in motion. As the ripple of our touch sends gentle waves to hearts, we inspire others to create.
Which would you choose to be?
Did you notice the duck’s reflection? Does he even care? And what of the gold fish? Does he dream of flying away with the duck?
Does a house care about anything that exists within or outside of it’s walls?
I always worried about growing old. I am lucky to be alive. My death desires up until 6 months ago were prolific. As far as choosing bird or fish, red or white, i have no answer. Just an abundance of thoughts. And as for the wrinkles… i will keep them. Grateful to be alive, no matter the secret desires.
For now, i remain hidden in the mystery of life. 💜🌏🕊🎶🎶🎶
West Virginia is beautiful. John Denver talks about the vistas in Take Me Home, Country Roads, the Blue Ridge Mountains a heart’s oasis.
Dinner was delicious at the Iron Horse Tavern, Morgantown WV, with a Huell Babineaux from Bad Shepherd Brewing in Charleston WV. I enjoyed Wild Mushroom Pierogis and the absolute best tomato soup with balsamic reduction. A real sensation for the tongue.
Day Three: my feet
grounded in the moment.
Day Four: i venture on.
No time to visit anyone’s blog. Hope to read you soon… i am back on the road.
The first stop on our trek across the eastern half of the United States was Columbus Ohio (181 miles). We arrived Friday evening and spent Saturday visiting a wonderful bookshop, The Book Loft, eating lunch at The Thurman Cafe, and consuming the blossoming trees in Schiller Park and the surrounding gardens of German Village homes. What a wonderful Spring day. And the weather was cooperative!
At The Book Loft, an incredible 32 rooms full of books, with Room 13 housing a poetry collection, i found Dorothy Parker’s Complete Poems. Interior is my favorite of her poems so far. I find her to be witty and dry. Perhaps sarcastic. I imagine if i were to have had the pleasure of meeting her, i would have mentally retreated. Perhaps some people are better left to their words and our imaginations.
Today, i embark on a three hour drive to Morgantown, West Virginia (209 miles). A visit to family friends and a shared dinner awaits us in Morgantown.
As i write, the sun has lifted the evening’s hello. I have yet to determine who i will be today. 🤔🌏💙🕊🎶🎶🎶🎶
Good Sunday to you. Hope to catch up with a few blogs! 😍
Staying out of the movers way!
Looking toward the day
I can rest my mind and rhyme -Think!
Set up my writing desk
find a place to paint -Dream!
until then, i pledge
to stay out of the movers way.
The biggest day of my life, since i moved to Indiana, has arrived. From this day forward, i move without knowing the future. Security is in the past. Adventure awaits those who walk with eyes wide open.
Trying not to cry! Feeling the exhilarating new of Boston on my brow! My heart is racing, wondering what lies ahead.
And excited to have lots of time to read back posts. See you at your blog soon!