design (house)

Marshall Indiana

I have driven past this house many times and incessantly thought I need a picture.  I did not stop to take this but snapped it with my phone as I drove by.  What interests me?  The sign that says “Stay Out”?  The curtainless windows that dare you to look inside despite the warning?

As i walk past the (homeless) man on the city street, i wonder is he wearing the same paint on his face as the abandoned house in Marshall?  They both donning a few remaining scrapes of lead paint since banned in 1970’s.  With regards to both house and man, i keep my distance.  I want to know more.  What keeps me from doing otherwise?

The thoughts don’t stop.  What child existed to dream behind the front door and where now?  What is the purpose of the back door, a passage to hidden rooms, guarded with a key to keep the secrets?  And how many winds were allowed to blow through the panes of glass to freshen the trapped stale living room air?  Are there dead lying there, propped in a chair?

What person have i banned from my life?  The windows to my mind closed and a sign erected “Stay Out!”  J💛

Every time

Every time I think of shuttering the door and pulling the curtains closed (on my blog) I cry.  Not because of the quiet, still keyboard or the hush, hush sound of decay.  No some days computer keys wears me out and I feel the bones crumbling and desire numbness towards it all.  Why I stay is for the friendship of many of you who leave kind thoughts on posts or the daily cheering of my attempts to write. The pursuit of reading your blogs knowing you are miles and hours away immersed in a culture I know very little brings me joy.

I know, you think another self-absorbed, wanna-be writer who thinks only of her self.  Ha ha ha I do laugh at that because I know in order to be anything creative there is an inner life to cultivate that the world will and can never understand.  Think a moment, could Van Gogh paint without emotion or Carl Jung delve into another mind without knowing themselves first, inspecting the daisy in the blades of grass while the rain falls from a darkened cloud eagerly waiting for the sun to appear?  And was it wrong for them to slip away into themselves with a pursuit to brighten a small part of their (our) world?  As the story in Aladdin explains, it is a whole new world.  We should love being part of it.  My attitude today is different from the days I wished for death.  And the days I know death will wish for me.  And the day I succumb to the inevitable.  Along with me, my blog.

Saying good bye is never easy.  No, I am not going to shut the window (on my blog), stop the air flow in my face because my heart would break.  But I do think of it often.  Quitting.  Mainly because I am tired.  Tired of seeing the brokenness, trying to repair what seems unfix-able.  I am worn from the worn out world.  I mean how much longer can we bear the unbearable.  Jesus cried out before His execution “Why have you forsaken me?” and I do think we have forsaken ourselves, abandoned to the worst in us.  I ask “If God had forsaken us would we still be here?”  So perhaps the condition of the world is our fault and the blood does lay at our feet.

Church is poetry.  Poetry is life.  A life well lived.

This blog has been my world for a long time.  There were absent years where the earth lay dormant, the garden grew weeds fed by catatonia.  I sat beleaguered by anxiety and depression.   The past 1 1/2 years I have written regularly with a loss of a few random days.   I am living again.  I hope with good intentions to banish shadows.  The courage to be met by a few followers who I treasure immensely.  If you are reading this know you mean so much even though I know very little of you.  My heart beats life as Joan of Arc confessed her loyalty, with eagerness to make the days count, you as my witnesses.

In fear and trembling, destiny’s road perishes.
With courage, horizons come to light.

I live in the borderlines.  The margins released so I can fly.  I soar in the words of my heart and share them eagerly with you.  Thank you for letting me be part of your world.

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Happy writing, J

Give the world a minute…

via Daily Prompt: Relieved

is it any wonder
any wonder at all
the world has but a minute,
left bombarded
by incessant needs
and empty words.
hear the opinions fall
not as wishing stars
but bitching clouds
that hover over us all?

i am not relieved
that we profess
to be more caring
because after all
the witch has a new face.
our careless reactions
are but ways
to make ourselves
feel better in a world
that never changes, ever.

When I go to a concert I do not want to be preached at and as much as I enjoyed the music I did find myself alienated by political sanctimonious diatribes. Actions do speak louder than words and if we each gave a little more love we would prove our sincere intentions to cover sins with grace.

Up next, U2 The Joshua Tree Tour September 10 and FARMAID September 16 with Neil Young, Dave Matthews and many more musicians to like…

Give the world a minute…

Give the world a minute and there will be those who tell you what they think.  So i ask “What draws attention to the inconspicuous piece of gum stuck to the concrete sidewalk?”   

The world wonders and that is a great endeavor.  I notice your quick glance stretched into a long gaze brought on by my asking questions.  “Is that you thinking?  So speak up!” a long pause between us ensues.  

I hope you don’t mind my asking “What should be done to those who refuse to be civil?”  Should I be the one to step into your unkept business you can be sure nothing will be brought home with me.  I scrape my shoes of all this abuse.  Of course its more than just your gum that bothers me.  

Realizing you are better off not asking, our conversation is cut short.  And the world keeps spinning with problems unsolved.

Street life

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If you are ever in the River West neighborhood visit Windy City Cafe at the corner of Milwaukee Ave and May Street.  The food is absolutely phenomenal.  Their biscuits and gravy with fried chicken, fruit plate and banana nut bread french toast….oh my.  I am positive anything on their menu is worth trying.  Happy travels, J