personal musings unleashed.

Learned something new today. Moments. Happen.

I have loved but one man. For thirty years. This experience leaves me rather naive about men and love and how the world works. I have never smoked, taken drugs and my first taste of alcohol was to drown pain at 48. It is three years later and my penchant for rum, brandy and vodka is growing. One feels freer under a bottle’s influence of twisted words and greedy sex. And then he arrived. Hungrier than me. A stinger, a fighter, a god. And he took to my attention, selling wares of satisfaction, provided i comply.

Where am i in all of this? Living in a dream that strikes fear in my heart. A complying pisces who strikes the bait, knowing full well the line can be reeled in, one netted and unable to free herself from captivity!

No! Swim faster…nothing turns out right… miscommunication, ha! amongst writers? it happens and is happening… can you not see my heart… veiled by modesty…

can you not hear my desire… to be friends? ha! amongst writers… where ego takes over

and all sadness aside… my loneliness is welcome… simply wanted, needed, desired a muse…

and you needed, wanted, desired

more than i can, could, will give.

and i will act like i am not hurt but i am hurt. terribly!

My Facebook Rant (reblog)

I notice people of varying races like to point out faults of other races… and religion and sexes. So in my INFP Facebook group i wrote:

Equal disgust to any person, regardless of race, religion, sex, etc., right? Because its great people talk … so next time you defend another religion, race, sex, etc., for doing same, remember your outrage at this. Next post could easily be someone you couldnt believe would be so barbaric, like MS13 gang or muslim jihadist or fill-in-the blank with murderers, rapists, which knows no bounds… try speaking out against them as well. And how about defending the children sold and appearing in US court with no parent showing up to claim them. Defend the girls in the middle east stoned to death… but still breathing. Defend the white christian south africans being massacred. Or even black christians in nigeria. You get the point.

Have heard nothing yet. No feedback… waiting.

My other point of view… on my personal page.

Hate knows no bounds. I find it particularly aggravating when we point out a race, religion or sex committing evil against another. It is the mind, heart and soul that is damaged that is capable of committing atrocity more than the skin color. Some people commit crimes, who adhere to a particular worldview, based on ethnicity or religion and even sex, but they are twisting what is normally a peaceful existence. At least i hope so. So…. when someone points out a “white” “brown” or “black” person, which really is varying degrees and shades, let us remember we all have light in our background. All humanity begins with light. Let us not twist humanity into evil and box us into stereotypical groups. All people are capable of committing evil. All.

mystery.

crazy!
he calls
after

i take
the compliment
meant to harm

morph into
his dream
swim deep

into unpleasant thoughts
surrounded by
future fights

transgressions
meek smiles forced
stretched out, about

and around me,
i welcomed
and wrapped you

into play
naively friend…
teasing

you listened
as no one ever
spanked this

hard ass
your love stung
-smack back

words gusseted
to broad cloth
and burlap wrapped

twining round limbs
shot through holes
of meager means

woke to reality
pinched my inner thigh
where passion meets pain

did my charm besmirch
him, as eager
to understand me… as i?

Share your Story

Join Cee this Monday, July 9, 2018 and share your world…

What would you name the autobiography of your life?

Meet Me Outside

Which do you prefer sweet, salty or buttery? 

Salty.

What’s the finest education?

Although experience is the greatest teacher, it is often harsh. Reading living books as per the Charlotte Mason philosophy. One can survive reading a book.

What did you appreciate or what made you smile this past week?

Spent yesterday with a friend at the Institute of Contemporary Art/Boston, showed off my house and met her sister and brother-in-law.

pieces of me.

no lying converges
abandoned by family
he came along

willing, she loved
yielding, she wondered

anguish reaching years
his counsel tearing
desert hearts apart

tattered dress seams
left wholly unclean

brutally honest mind
history resists mending
living among rubble

April/May 2018