Mob Haiku: Dissedmas Carol

Now that I have totally washed out all the season’s hope…

Bookem Jan comes to the rescue, to bring you a laugh.

Jan’s haikus in my feed bring me a chuckle every morning. Then I turn around and feel blue. I have been here before, have come through the mist, so i won’t worry. Until then…

Bookem Jan will cure your ills. Or at least i hope so. Go read her!! Thanks.

Sebnem Sanders

Sebnem Sanders is more than Another Blogger. Today I call her friend. And I am beyond elated to send along her debut book link, as posted on her blog.

I am expectantly waiting for my book to arrive as early as tomorrow. The anticipation of holding the pages surreal, knowing all the thoughts are carried from a land far away. I have never traveled outside of America but soon a lovely soul from Turkey arrives at my home.

May all success be yours, Sebnem. I know the toil poured is beyond measure and the layers of life have been neatly laid, page after page. Always Jeanne Elizabeth 🤗❤️👏🏻

Ripples on the Pond

https://sebnemsanders.wordpress.com/2017/12/07/ripples-on-the-pond-

Yes!! 🎈💫👏🏻❤️

With much gratitude

This is truly a heartfelt post. Why? You!!!

I never could have imagined sitting here nine years ago. I could barely talk. Was I saying any thing? Perhaps in my eyes you would have seen the pain. I welcomed death. I contemplated suicide.

After a year of therapy, my confidante encouraged me to reach out. I wrote everything in prose, and poetry to him, and so I thought, why not gather my thoughts and start a blog. It is anonymous after all. (Hahaha. That was not quite his idea of reaching out.)

Hahaha…this! (I may have posted elsewhere, a picture of myself?)

Regardless, I have changed from those once fateful days. I graduate with highest honors, a 3.96 gpa. I walk on December 16 and will be with my husband, two of my children, and countless bloggers who have seen me through. Whether you know it or not, you do now. I will be thinking of you. And my therapist. Forever grateful! 🤗❤️

I hope to continue my blog. I have become fascinated with the arts. I have traveled alone. Taken two poetry workshops with incredible poets. I have become. And when those brief moments appear, and I slip, dancing with death, I fight as all my might will muster. And write a poem. Or paint a picture. Or visit an art museum. Etc. Etc.

Every time

Every time I think of shuttering the door and pulling the curtains closed (on my blog) I cry.  Not because of the quiet, still keyboard or the hush, hush sound of decay.  No some days computer keys wears me out and I feel the bones crumbling and desire numbness towards it all.  Why I stay is for the friendship of many of you who leave kind thoughts on posts or the daily cheering of my attempts to write. The pursuit of reading your blogs knowing you are miles and hours away immersed in a culture I know very little brings me joy.

I know, you think another self-absorbed, wanna-be writer who thinks only of her self.  Ha ha ha I do laugh at that because I know in order to be anything creative there is an inner life to cultivate that the world will and can never understand.  Think a moment, could Van Gogh paint without emotion or Carl Jung delve into another mind without knowing themselves first, inspecting the daisy in the blades of grass while the rain falls from a darkened cloud eagerly waiting for the sun to appear?  And was it wrong for them to slip away into themselves with a pursuit to brighten a small part of their (our) world?  As the story in Aladdin explains, it is a whole new world.  We should love being part of it.  My attitude today is different from the days I wished for death.  And the days I know death will wish for me.  And the day I succumb to the inevitable.  Along with me, my blog.

Saying good bye is never easy.  No, I am not going to shut the window (on my blog), stop the air flow in my face because my heart would break.  But I do think of it often.  Quitting.  Mainly because I am tired.  Tired of seeing the brokenness, trying to repair what seems unfix-able.  I am worn from the worn out world.  I mean how much longer can we bear the unbearable.  Jesus cried out before His execution “Why have you forsaken me?” and I do think we have forsaken ourselves, abandoned to the worst in us.  I ask “If God had forsaken us would we still be here?”  So perhaps the condition of the world is our fault and the blood does lay at our feet.

Church is poetry.  Poetry is life.  A life well lived.

This blog has been my world for a long time.  There were absent years where the earth lay dormant, the garden grew weeds fed by catatonia.  I sat beleaguered by anxiety and depression.   The past 1 1/2 years I have written regularly with a loss of a few random days.   I am living again.  I hope with good intentions to banish shadows.  The courage to be met by a few followers who I treasure immensely.  If you are reading this know you mean so much even though I know very little of you.  My heart beats life as Joan of Arc confessed her loyalty, with eagerness to make the days count, you as my witnesses.

In fear and trembling, destiny’s road perishes.
With courage, horizons come to light.

I live in the borderlines.  The margins released so I can fly.  I soar in the words of my heart and share them eagerly with you.  Thank you for letting me be part of your world.

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Happy writing, J

Found something new to do

Challenges are Fun!!  J.A. Allen, author, has a challenge on her blog starting May 14 and runs for six weeks.  Check it out. If you like. Break out. Take the plunge. Let your mind scribble…

I am an INFP writer working to fix my weaknesses.  (Is this a confession?)  I find the above information very helpful at the editing stage, which I only have begun.  I started editing because I have been told my words are too abstract and confounding which is what I like to read but others may not.  However we write I do think we attract those who enjoy our poetry or essays but I still like to make some sense.

Understanding personality and incorporating it with your Jung/Myers-Brigg score can provide useful insight to your writing style.  Here and here are tests if you desire to know your personality acronym then search your four letter description and writing style here. This link is for my particular personality, however Andrea J. Wenger, author, has links for everyone.  She also develops her characters from the personality types which is far more complicated for me than need be but I find it curious.  You?  Hope something here was helpful… Being helpful is what I love to be. 🙂 J

 

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Please check out her blog and show her some love. The Six Foot Bonsai

And now to answer your questions…

Cat, dog or other?
Cats for freedom, dogs for the companionship with no strings attached. 😘

Would you prefer a big than average house or a smaller than average house?
Small is key. I love the feel of outside space but my heart needs security.

City or country?
No fair! I have a little of each in me but if I was forced to choose…

If you could have been born 50 years earlier would you trade and go back?
No. Never. Why would I?

What do you consider your best feature?
My heart and head. My parents made me feel it a curse to care, fearing I would be hurt.  I lived a cloistered life and I still harbor fears but I am adventuring outward, towards an unknown future.  The need to be sheltered and private may be my personality but my parents clipped my wings, leaving the dancer inside dead.  I slowly am finding out who this “I” is.  I believe she loves life and her desire to die a passing thought.

Do you hold any grudges at this moment?
I forgive and find myself hurt over and over by the same people.  The pain and damage recurring.  I desire freedom of past transgressions.  My philosophy: The harbored soul keeps the sun at bay and I desire to touch a heart regardless the burn.

What has been the happiest moment of your life thus far?

If you must work, what is your dream job?
Archeological discoveries are fascinating.  So if I could choose I would say archeology.

Do you have a particular recurring nightmare?
Not a nightmare per se but a puzzle I’m trying to solve and it takes up a lot of my time. Time spent in my head.

What is your best advice for someone under 20?
Wow! Do it! Be it! Free it!

So with that I would like to acknowledge two bloggers that always make me feel visible.  Emotions of Life and Verse In Emotion.  If you want to share A favorite song?  A favorite poet?  Your personal philosophy?  please do.  Or any of The Six Foot Bonsai’s questions.  🙂

Of course there are many others I know read my blog regularly and you know who you are.  I will gladly share your blog so ask and I will link to you.

Lastly… I am always available by email if you desire to talk:  promisegardens@att.net

One of my favorite tv shows and love the music…

seemingly insignificant

Sorry for posting so much. Most of what I write is for myself and i throw it out for reaction. I think i also write to know i am alive, even if some days i feel death approach.

No, you are not insignificant, you mean much to me, a sounding board for thoughts. Often my thoughts are drafty, need tightening up to keep the cold wind from blowing death towards my efforts. To keep darkness at bay. Regardless, darkness is inevitable within each of us, no matter how hard we try to be light. Every one burns out eventually, become a mere mirage of themselves. But if i die, it is because i, i am the cause of my future and only me.

I read an interesting new year post that caused me to think and i love those posts being a thinker of sorts. My conclusion to her post was this:

i find myself needing to project someone into the future, a someone who i can identify with and pursue her. That her is me.  j

Is that not what life is about? Searching the elusiveness of our presence. We appear but are ghosts of the past, present and future. I am not just flesh and bones, but spirit leaving a mark on you and even strangers as i pass them by. They make judgments by what they see, if they notice me. We all make judgments. Criticize our weight, our creativeness, compare ourselves to those we think are geniuses and leaving our potential behind, failing to grow in search of ourselves.

I am insignificant. I am nobody, and yet i feel my breath. I wait each moment to hear another sigh, another hello, another goodbye. Who i am at the end, i hope she is the person i want her to be.

I only fail, if.

Public announcement 😳

mistake, word for the day

WordPress mistakes of late have been plenty. The missing posts from my Reader a headache. I am truly sorry if I have missed yours. Just be mindful, it is not my mistake or ignoring or isolation. 🤕

On a different note, I am training to be a volunteer child advocate in Indianapolis as the number of families facing hardship rises. The parental mistakes need attention and the children 👶 need assurance it is not their fault. They are wedged in society, between family and the law and we advocates look to remedy their situation. It would be a mistake to look the other way.

Someone needs to be their voice,  their fairy, their wish come true. Say a prayer 🙏🏻 , send well wishes for the impoverished, the downtrodden, the ones invisible to society. They are hidden in corners, live in shelters, hide under their bed. They go to school, flunk out and bare the repercussions. Then, with a gleam, a twinkling of stars ✨ hope glimmers around their souls. Smiles appear from behind closed doors 🚪. Peace ✌️ rests again until another child, tomorrow. 

Be well, j

sunflower