What the hell?

We all seem to have something bothering us. Takes honey to catch flies. So why are we spitting vinegar?

I have my few friends. The loyal ones. Thank you for inquiring. But i plan on disappearing over yonder.

There, the sky shines as bright as ever. Forever.

If… i were to shut down this blogging, this would be how i would say goodbye. Goodbye, the toughest word to say. Is it not?

I get in these funky moods every so often. Feel like i need to run and hide. Tired of the belly aching. I get it! Life sucks! But so does complaining.

I have had my share of trauma and travesty. People so dear to my heart left this earth much more abruptly! Yes, i would love to get up and go.

But where?

Here. I suppose. This means I am staying. I think i would rather go. Nothing against you. I really don’t know you. It’s me i know and i can’t stand the sound of my words anymore.

We come with masks. Interchangeable. Can’t really tell which one to wear today. Don’t really want you to see me.

What the hell? This rambling has got to stop. What is it i try to say anyhow?

My Monhegan

*

Oh! to find relaxation. Get lost amidst the Monhegan sea air.

I once honored the rapt attention of the island’s evening. Witnessed the homeward gulls, floating above. Shhhh! i warned them. I desired the whispered stories unfolding below the ocean waves.

I witnessed their goodbyes descend upon my eyes. Their limelight emitted farewell and invited the lesser stars to partake in the feast. Satisfied, i bid farewell, in hopes my soul would once again return.

*The finished painting from a previous post.

Opinions Shattered

What makes you think your right? Isn’t life too complicated to think we can sum it up in a few words. Simplicity soothes our ego but to what disaster do we fall victim to our narrow understanding of others. Blame and finger pointing our game?

Little Face Alexander Calder, 1943, Museum of Contemporary Art, Chicago

I like to believe my personal statements are absolute truth. The danger is feeling proud and relishing in everyone telling me how smart i am. Shouldn’t we deny ourselves some satisfaction?

Humble feasts are important to feed upon.

While at the Museum of Contemporary Art, a little girl stood with her mother, looking at the piece posted above. The mother asked the girl if she liked it. The little girl replied, “It scares me.” And off they took.

I stood there thinking how many people scare me. The know-it-alls with wisdom spewing from empty hearts. No glance my way, for whatever reason.

I believe we should consider Murphy’s Law and every exception to the rule. It is great if others agree with us. Fantastic if they don’t. Right? Because then we have something to talk about, discover and learn together. Remember what we thought was flat, was round and what was heavy, perhaps while carrying around our child for months, was actually lighter than first perceived. It was our weariness, not theirs, that made life disagreeable for us.

We all want to feel good about ourselves. If it helps to believe your right, get lost in your thoughts. Just don’t hate me when i disagree. This is when truth is finally fully unmasked in everyone.

When we finally realize we are all made of found parts; pieces here. Notions there. Button noses and fake hair. Is when we begin to add the beautiful decorative pieces of ourselves to form full humanity.

Museum of Contemporary Art, Chicago. I have named it Snow Day in Eternal Sunshine.

Answer Me This, Magic Land

Is there a home in the world for us?

We have our own snow in the Midwest.

Still, it is magical to stare wonderingly at the pristine beauty of a country, In the Middle of Snow, who relatives, generations before you, once called home.

That family once honored the past with stories of Finland. The great-grandparents who entered the US, through Ellis Island, settling in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, being comfortable with the familiarity of their homeland in a foreign country, told those memories. Settling, they built a family, in a village of Finlanders, joining the ranks of those who worked the iron ore mines, who supped on pasties and ran together, in unencumbered flesh, through the snow, to warm themselves in saunas. Together.

Today alone. Scattered snowflakes.

I always welcome to know more about my heritage, hence my search for Finnish blogs. I need connection. This circle of life i yearn for, feeds the purpose of answering who i am.

But who can answer the why questions? Why leave home, slowly abandon your language and culture, to come to a wild land that is not necessarily more welcoming. The answers remain as vague as the memories. I am destined to melt, never fully knowing. Remain fluid, never answering the question but providing a journey for my children.

Generations past, echoes that grow ever faint.