Attending the Opera

โ€” Read on Fabric on the Daily Post

What are we willing to give up? What would i find behind your curtain as i swing it aside? Have you, will you, consider letting me know?

I wait. Anticipate. Is this a game eagerly played by two? Or only i?

Am i setting myself up for your opera. Life over as fast as it started. Slow. Drawn out misery. Ending with a cry of freedom!

A peek behind the madness of death exists behind every curtain. It matters not your fabric woven. The rapacious appetite for breath carries us along.

I do not plan to go anywhere. Neither behind your curtain. Or stand before it. I want to be your covering. Shield you from peering eyes.


Please read to the end, even if you are not in the mood to be cheery!!!! I truly care for you…

๐ŸŒŸ Possibilities exist in every shiny thought.

Never allow yourself to be squared in to a corner without a circle. Be adVenturous! Find a star and start running.

Even if it takes a lifetime to catch your star, realize you will have lived a full life chasing it.

Don’t pay attention to your neighbor’s faults. Work on your own. Once you realize no one is perfect, you will find inner peace exists.

Turn the other cheek. Forgive. Love. Move on. If your enemies follow you, hooray. And if they disappear, too bad they missed out living life along with you. Hopefully, and i sincerely mean this, i pray everyone can discover and name their own star to chase.

Just never stop chasing your star once you find and name it! ๐ŸŒŸ J

(I do not write this lightly. I have been depressed and suicidal. It has taken 50 years to reach my pinnacle. I have swam through snake infested waters, mosquito-riddled forests and felt unloved by the very people who should have helped me in life. I get the pessimist. I was one. Life seems to be turning for the good and i rejoice that i endured and can speak hope today. If you turn from this post because your hurting, reach out. There are people who care! I pray you find your star!)


Sick of this world
and all the opinions
the grey skies
that never go away
no rain is long enough
to wash this blood
men’s feet gone astray

all my love and sorrow
could never heal this pain
sick of this world
and my hopes
to make a difference
no one listening
a dreamer betrayed.

Going to get all crazy on WP

9:10 am (Eastern time)

Reading over Facebook Memories, lol ๐Ÿ˜ and noticed a post from February 10, 2012. Sometimes Facebook can be a blessing. Yes?

9:19 am (Eastern time)

Share past post and wrote an epilogue:

Not sure I ever finished these thoughts on RISK… funny how my mom continually told me i was a mess. Who made me this way? Scatter brained. What i call creative. Whirling leaf on the wind… but get me on the dance floor! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ’™๐Ÿ•Š๐ŸŽถ Never too late to consider this RISK of searching out who i am. Slowly the picture is becoming clear…beginning to figure me out!! My mom never understood me. Not sure she tried.

9:41 am (Eastern time)

I never posted follow up thoughts to RISK because i lost focus. Was thrown back into the wind and was caught up in the chaos around me. I juggle an impossible six things at once… oh! I feel for Alice.

My goal this week, if any one cares, is to focus on RISK. It will be a challenge as there is much going on behind-the-scenes.

Moving from Indianapolis to Boston means packing, updating the house to sell, going on interviews, and helping my daughter graduate high school.

Moving means all my writing room is packed away and all my posts are being constructed on my phone. Not the most ideal platform, but i keep tapping away.

Moving itself is a risk. So much unknown but i have never felt stronger to journey forward. This turning point is an adventure into the unknown. I am quite excited if you care to know. Banish the naysayers once and for all!

9:48 am ( Eastern time)

I have risked opening up but I welcome it. I was fearful of the voices. I fought and found courage. Confidence is back.

I continue to write. I risk it all. My reputation. People i love exposed.

9:59 am (Eastern)

I shudder at risk. It is cold and feels nothing for me. Risk is bold and i am small in comparison. But i rise to the challenge. I crack open again. Both to release the venom and soak up the water spilled from the sky. I am a walking desert afraid to cry. I have been on this horse running from terror and now terror invites me in.

Opinions Shattered

What makes you think your right? Isn’t life too complicated to think we can sum it up in a few words. Simplicity soothes our ego but to what disaster do we fall victim to our narrow understanding of others. Blame and finger pointing our game?

Little Face Alexander Calder, 1943, Museum of Contemporary Art, Chicago

I like to believe my personal statements are absolute truth. The danger is feeling proud and relishing in everyone telling me how smart i am. Shouldn’t we deny ourselves some satisfaction?

Humble feasts are important to feed upon.

While at the Museum of Contemporary Art, a little girl stood with her mother, looking at the piece posted above. The mother asked the girl if she liked it. The little girl replied, “It scares me.” And off they took.

I stood there thinking how many people scare me. The know-it-alls with wisdom spewing from empty hearts. No glance my way, for whatever reason.

I believe we should consider Murphy’s Law and every exception to the rule. It is great if others agree with us. Fantastic if they don’t. Right? Because then we have something to talk about, discover and learn together. Remember what we thought was flat, was round and what was heavy, perhaps while carrying around our child for months, was actually lighter than first perceived. It was our weariness, not theirs, that made life disagreeable for us.

We all want to feel good about ourselves. If it helps to believe your right, get lost in your thoughts. Just don’t hate me when i disagree. This is when truth is finally fully unmasked in everyone.

When we finally realize we are all made of found parts; pieces here. Notions there. Button noses and fake hair. Is when we begin to add the beautiful decorative pieces of ourselves to form full humanity.

Museum of Contemporary Art, Chicago. I have named it Snow Day in Eternal Sunshine.

Judge and Jury

Church is poetry. Poetry is life. A life well lived.

i only judge myself because i am the only person i truly know.

Institute of Art, Chicago, first floor Modern Wing

i witness you, accept what you deem worthy of me to embrace. all the while i remain absolutely blind to the intricacies of the painting you are.

you may lift the curtain a tad. invite me in and under the mask. allow me to get a little closer. do i know you? are you afraid of me or i of you? do we really even know the other? or bother to know? will i be willing to lift my mask too?

Crow on the Wire has a Sunday confession that sparked varied personal thoughts. i hear because i listen. not sure I understand why politics is as divisive as it is. perhaps it is being set in our ways and feeling comfortable with our habitual years? only changing, transforming, because we finally see the truth. or are we bending truth to match a defined enlightenment? Not sure.

The Chicago Temple, United Methodist Church

In the Choir

i may agree. i may disagree. i may not have an opinion at all about you. rather hide myself discreetly, knowing you won’t bother to understand how i feel. or why i do, as i do.

justice is most important, so, the final verdict given about me is my own to dwell upon. i hand you the privilege of judging yourself too. i decide what needs to change with me in order to be more loving towards you. and i pray your willing as well.

this process of transformation does not work when we judge each other. how i react if you decide not to accept me is my choice. my question then becomes “will i remain in my old ways? and why?” along with wondering why i should change at all.

No regrets

I have no regrets in life. Not even when the outcome was less than favorable for me. I am better for the experience. The stretching. The climbing. Mostly the listening, even hearing the quiet. Witnessing the fear. The hiding.

The challenge for me was to share intimately with another, and i did so.

Connection to another, whether spiritual, intellectual or physical, gives and takes. When we take, we fill an empty place that was left ravaged by circumstance. When we give, we pour from the soul.

So i do not regret giving to another who needed something, more than i needed. The act of giving itself fills up. The thanks and smiles are more than enough for a girl who has learned to never regret the road.

And perhaps, since i am working on my patience, this is a test of true friendship. I will never purposely jump ship. Even when the tests are excruciating and i wish, pray, for death, I will remain as long as people decide i am worthy of them. To witness I AM a heartfelt existence and friend. ๐Ÿค— And if i end up pushing you aside, it is my fear, not your lack of love.