I am scribbling away, trying to keep up with my thoughts.
The coffee was brewing and the aroma had me thinking this morning. Again. Stuck in a corner with piled papers around my feet. Shuffling through them, I came across a Steinbeck quote. Lessons on love and hate.
My mind wanders as I watch the clouds prepare a bath of snowflakes. “What constitutes hate? And does an ideal love overcome our failure to understand others? Is there a moral love?”
“There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind. The other is an outpouring of everything good in you — of kindness and consideration and respect — not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable. The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.“ -Steinbeck
Why am I bogged down with such heaviness? What relief exists? The heavens resemble our hearts and yet clouds obscure the view. The heart is buried. The soul is grieved. Is it I, we, or you?
I have danced secretly in ugly love. I being the selfish person begging for comfort. I have lived in that grave. Today I dream. I long to release myself from the grip of fear. To taste the sweet water of grace. And gift you the same power of hope.
Mind you, not every day is clobbered with words. I am learning to laugh. Tell me a joke. I listen well enough.
I am reading again. The often mundane exercise proves fruitful. This assumption of ripeness, of flower blossoms in winter and February fruit to be discussed elsewhere and later, keeps me hovering over her words.
Why I chose this, or any particular book, is beyond knowing. Or perhaps, since I had two copies of “Words for Dr. Y. Uncollected Poems by Anne Sexton.” edited by Linda Gray Sexton, her daughter, and while in the process of delivering unused things to be recycled at the transfer station, I noticed the red cover on top of the heap of books. It is a rather blatant clue. And a favorite book of poems.
I opened the pages eagerly and directly to page 33. She writes, “I begin to see. Today I am not all wood.” An imagined crackling fire roars behind me. It suits my mood. Her words, sparklers, ignited by an awakened spirit. No soul dulled by faulty wires would read those words with premonition. I declare, “I am a tree with budding leaves and spring rivers dancing at my feet, to quench my thirst.”
Still, just weeks ago, in my journal, I wrote, “Struggling. With my writing and my confidence. I have little ability to sit quietly, alone, with my thoughts and let them emerge. Form bubbles. Thought bubbles that I can sit inside and look around. Set up shop, gather my dictionary, thesaurus, pens, pencils…”
I will take what little I am given in direction and move forward. Jeanne
This is the sun setting over the huge rock in my yard. Hell, the rock is a small hill you have to climb and there is a perfect practice 20-25′ (7.6 meter) straight ascent to the top. The other side has ledges and you can scale it without rope. It is rather easy, with wonderful pockets of moss and mushrooms and wildflowers. Once at the top, you can watch the sunset over Mount Wachusett.
The mountains in Massachusetts are fairly easy to scale. Ive climbed two so far. Mount Wachusett is 2005′ (611 meters) and Lenox Mountain 2,126′ (648 meters).
To carve in stone
the next year planned
hike the Appalachian
Berkshires of Massachusetts
exists deep in the psyche
find my impetous
climb higher than ever
the answers lie somewhere.
Please read to the end, even if you are not in the mood to be cheery!!!! I truly care for you…
🌟 Possibilities exist in every shiny thought.
Never allow yourself to be squared in to a corner without a circle. Be adVenturous! Find a star and start running.
Even if it takes a lifetime to catch your star, realize you will have lived a full life chasing it.
Don’t pay attention to your neighbor’s faults. Work on your own. Once you realize no one is perfect, you will find inner peace exists.
Turn the other cheek. Forgive. Love. Move on. If your enemies follow you, hooray. And if they disappear, too bad they missed out living life along with you. Hopefully, and i sincerely mean this, i pray everyone can discover and name their own star to chase.
Just never stop chasing your star once you find and name it! 🌟 J
(I do not write this lightly. I have been depressed and suicidal. It has taken 50 years to reach my pinnacle. I have swam through snake infested waters, mosquito-riddled forests and felt unloved by the very people who should have helped me in life. I get the pessimist. I was one. Life seems to be turning for the good and i rejoice that i endured and can speak hope today. If you turn from this post because your hurting, reach out. There are people who care! I pray you find your star!)
There are pieces
from dust we come
a bowl of fruit
of mind decay
while heart songs remain
to be sung everyday.
My desire is every person comprehend and realize we are ever evolving in our understanding of self. From the beginning, our quest is a time of search. The crux is we often get trapped in sick thoughts and dwell on personal failures and shortcomings. We feel ill-equipped to deal with those who harm us and then desire everything that is wrong in order to numb our pain. But time waits for no one. While moons rise and suns set, you can either wither or heal. I challenge you to discover the warmth of forgiveness. Live for that day.
I believe in agape love and ultimate truth. What remains relative is desire. Desire does not search for or find truth, but rather forcibly bends light, to pompously plop itself down on a pedestal, and demand its way. This is neither love nor wisdom.
So embrace forgiveness, the ultimate act of love. Forgiveness requires our heart to be true and freer than any other act. So let the new dawn’s clouds be lifted. Go run in the sun, metaphorically, and literally, when possible. Let the fresh air fill your life with found possibilities.