Posted in Musings, Poetry

Temporal

I love the idea of making meaning. Procuring symbols to represent my time here on earth. So I arrange favorite pieces in an alter space.

Music and rhythm touch an inner sanctum only I am privy too. No one, not even a trusted friend, can enter now. The notes descend the mountain and no echo returns.

Scents were like rain, or birds. They left and came back.

Erica Bauermeister, The Scent Keeper

Posted in Poetry

Kindred Soul

Current Reads 7/2022
Im drowning in my own thoughts
five foot waves threaten me
and scattered seeds lie dormant

all the while i yearn your company
i retreat to find that black hole
dug years ago for such a time

exists only in dreams.
Posted in Photography, Poetry

Chamomile

First Harvest May 25, 2022
delightful season
center in on your mellow
keep being the light

“Restrain an inordinate desire for knowledge, in which is found much anxiety and deception. Learned men always wish to appear so, and desire recognition of their wisdom. But there are many matters, knowledge of which brings little or no advantage to the soul.” —Thomas A. Kempis

Posted in Musings, Photography, Poetry

Not quite May

Waiting on Shore.
The tide 
heading towards the unknown
carries me out to sea.

Once monthly i feel an urge to connect with others. And explore the foolish thoughts dancing in my head. Picking up rocks is a favorite past time and i miss this place dearly. I miss you too.

Its not quite May. So technically i am rushing this posting. But conventional wisdom alludes me. Ive been jumping off the railroad tracks the past six months. And diving into drained ponds. With summer months approaching, im praying for rain to refill these dry bones.

What have you been doing with time?

Posted in Musings, Poetry

Twelve Years and Counting

Twelve Years…….and counting?

Hard to believe 12 years has come and gone.

Im not much with words lately. So this post remains brief. Praying for peace to prevail in the world. My faith has staggered for so long. My feet wobbly, my heart faint. I hope you are well. As well as you possibly can be in the midst of what our eyes see. And our ears hear the words so freely flow…. What do any of those words even mean anymore?

Posted in Art, Musings, Poetry

My blog got me through

Watercoloring. 2021

Connecting with others here on WordPress saved me from utter destruction. And for that i am grateful. And in the process, i have returned to my first love. Creating is my lifeline and my grace to get me through to the other side.

Working Out my Angst. 2021

Growing up i was denied every aspect of self for the greater good. And as much as i love my family, to neglect myself was detrimental in the long run. I lost my brother to suicide. And i still have trouble understanding that relationship. We were very close growing up. Until we drifted apart. Friends until high school, when his sudden budding interest in girls, sparked a fissure.

I will never fully understand suicide. The thoughts of doing away with self, once gripped me too. For thirty some years i thought it through. Jumping from second-story windows, holding my breath under pillows, imaging myself driving the car off a bridge, and holding a knife to my neck while talking to my therapist. I had my ideas. Pills and razors, ropes hanging from rafters. They all presented peace of mind.

I have wandered through the ensuing fog. I have spent countless nights in tears. I sacrificed myself for the greater good all while dying a slow death.

I started practicing art in recent years. Whether photography, watercolor, acrylics, textiles, or garden seeds, i have found my inner sense of life. In my poetic words i have tried to let you see a bit more of what stirs inside. And even though i am unable to practice my first love, dance, i found a place to move internally.

So take your bow. 
See me stand before light.
You saved a life.
In disguise. 2021

Please do not use any of my photos without my permission. Thank you.

To John. 3/1/2008.
Posted in Photography, Poetry

I look out the window, unto a world unknown to me. The colors vibrant and beautiful. The stillness broken by song.

Come sit with me a while. Let us stare into the distance a little longer. And wonder what went wrong.

Posted in Photography, Poetry

Meaningful Gibberish

Talk to Me (October 2021)
toward the celebration of human life 
as a path to transcendence
i skip past Beethoven
land on middle C

swing past his open mouth
dance with clenching teeth
directed at my absurdity

our meaningful gibberish
we only understand
the moans escape the metal bars
i lie down beside the piled cloth

stained with gilded tears
teach me forgiveness afterwards
when a hush descends upon bended knees