Songs on repeat…

Discovered The Avett Brothers with this song…

and now love sparkles through out
side streets not so lonely

which led to this song…

is your day starting
on a different note
with whiskey and rye
abandoned love
swirling ice

will senseless violence ensue?

a good day to listen to music
The Avett Brothers
instrumental to making this day grand! 🎢 πŸŽ΅πŸ’œπŸ•Š

Transformation

Access life
as if, before the storm,
no longer remains.

Let me know
mold me in your image
pull the strings
sewn into my back
i live to please you
in this moment
watch the stars dance
in this night of black

How can we experience triumph?

Theodicy is an intellectual understanding of suffering. The reconstruction of self and time, remain elusive, but attainable.

We experience our new selves physically, emotionally and spiritually through time. If we fail to let go of the past, it will repeatedly reappear as a ghost in our mind. Our goal is to allow whatever was, become history. If we fail this task, we invite misery to make a home in our hearts.

Life has become exceptionally difficult. Changes abound and more changes intend to roll out.

I became trapped in my own selfish misery. I once held onto hope. Positioned as a shiny metal object, glistening in the sun, it promised better days. I prayed to it. Ran my fingers over the smooth surface. Worshiped the image broadcast back to my heart.

I learned that day about rust as tears flowed. Death approaches angrily, despite appearances. I wish i hadn’t fallen so hard. Knives are all too predictable. Perhaps there is the lesson. Learn all you can before you are trapped.

Fish or Bird? Red or White?

I exist in prolific ponderings, defined as poetry in motion. As the ripple of our touch sends gentle waves to hearts, we inspire others to create.

Which would you choose to be?

Did you notice the duck’s reflection? Does he even care? And what of the gold fish? Does he dream of flying away with the duck?

Does a house care about anything that exists within or outside of it’s walls?

I always worried about growing old. I am lucky to be alive. My death desires up until 6 months ago were prolific. As far as choosing bird or fish, red or white, i have no answer. Just an abundance of thoughts. And as for the wrinkles… i will keep them. Grateful to be alive, no matter the secret desires.

For now, i remain hidden in the mystery of life. πŸ’œπŸŒπŸ•ŠπŸŽΆπŸŽΆπŸŽΆ

Moving Day is here!

Staying out of the movers way!
Looking toward the day
I can rest my mind and rhyme -Think!
Set up my writing desk
find a place to paint -Dream!
until then, i pledge
to stay out of the movers way.

The biggest day of my life, since i moved to Indiana, has arrived. From this day forward, i move without knowing the future. Security is in the past. Adventure awaits those who walk with eyes wide open.

Trying not to cry! Feeling the exhilarating new of Boston on my brow! My heart is racing, wondering what lies ahead.

And excited to have lots of time to read back posts. See you at your blog soon!

Diamonds

Please read to the end, even if you are not in the mood to be cheery!!!! I truly care for you…

🌟 Possibilities exist in every shiny thought.

Never allow yourself to be squared in to a corner without a circle. Be adVenturous! Find a star and start running.

Even if it takes a lifetime to catch your star, realize you will have lived a full life chasing it.

Don’t pay attention to your neighbor’s faults. Work on your own. Once you realize no one is perfect, you will find inner peace exists.

Turn the other cheek. Forgive. Love. Move on. If your enemies follow you, hooray. And if they disappear, too bad they missed out living life along with you. Hopefully, and i sincerely mean this, i pray everyone can discover and name their own star to chase.

Just never stop chasing your star once you find and name it! 🌟 J

(I do not write this lightly. I have been depressed and suicidal. It has taken 50 years to reach my pinnacle. I have swam through snake infested waters, mosquito-riddled forests and felt unloved by the very people who should have helped me in life. I get the pessimist. I was one. Life seems to be turning for the good and i rejoice that i endured and can speak hope today. If you turn from this post because your hurting, reach out. There are people who care! I pray you find your star!)

Focus

Church is poetry. Poetry is life. A life well lived.

Today I want to give up trying to stay focused. I never know what thoughts will travel through this mind. The path is never straight nor narrow these days. I live in a chaotic existence.

Besides, it seems no use to focus at this stage of the game. Time wise, i am at life’s climax. I hear people say its all down hill from here. But then i remember my deliberate intentions to go after life in 2018. There is a desperate need to walk off the mental weight of grief. Banish the suffocating lost dreams that mock me.

I spent last weekend at Lutheran Hills as a farewell to girlfriends i had met there 14 years earlier. A fall hike was being advertised at church that summer 2004. I picked up the brochure which sparked a burning desire to discover myself. I intuitively knew i needed this necessary journey and was ready to explore.

I packed my weekend bag that October evening and told my husband my plans the following morning. He was stunned but happy for me. He took our three kids for the weekend.

I had never ventured anywhere alone and showed up at Shedron Lodge knowing everyone was a stranger. This was my very first time away from family and i was 37.

At 37, years were passing me and i was lost. I had no handle on any of my emotions, my body or my heart. I was floundering. Drowning. I had a biting urge to change the trajectory of my steps and it was a blur. I was desperate still in suicidal ideation. Death seemed the answer.

This post is hindsight which clarifies the memories. The voices. I left Lutheran Hills this past Sunday feeling determined. Even if i am focused just a moment, that is one moment more to paint.

I have finished quite a bit in the last 6 years. I have my Bachelor’s degree. My children are accomplished adults, thriving and growing into their best selves. I will be moving to Boston this summer and starting the best years of my life. I will walk the 18- mile trek for AFSP in Philadelphia and then hope to hike parts of the Appalachian Trail. As well as work with the people who have not found their voice yet.

—–

The reasons i write are many. I never had words to express it until conversing with Ray. I know what sells. I write (and now paint) to stay sane and that is priceless.

I drag my heart through sand and launch my soul on eagle’s wings for a purpose. To finalize this life and leave this earth finished with no missing pieces. With no regrets.

Happy writing, JπŸ’™πŸ•ŠπŸŽΆπŸŽΆ

A Face in the Crowd

Weekly Photo Challenge

These boys turned camera shy…

A recent trip to Chicago brought final death to my dslr camera. I fell first in Boston in October 2017 and ruined my zoom lens and then fell near Chicago’s Oriental Theatre… oh my face in the crowd! That was the final blow to the camera body. Possibly mine. I finally figured out it was the boots and since have thrown them into the garbage. They cost me much.

My 10 years of photography is possibly over. Undecided if i will buy a new camera since i use my iphone more often for pictures. The iphone has advantages like less bulk and no changing lenses. While limited in many ways, especially zoom.

In the end, discovering paint means i may do less photography. Transition produces many emotions. Am i ready for this?

Awakening

hovering blankets of fault
wind swept waves birth
promise awakened

frailty of beauty -come
peer beneath her layers
enchantment greets