One more for the road…

Post. Not a drink. But i think i will pour myself a sour cherry bier from Victory Brewing… right after i turn off my phone a while. (I will be back…)

Love this baby picture of me. One of the few where i am properly dressed. My shoes are shined and my hair is brushed. I am smiling and not crying. Happy. I like to believe my childhood was happy. I think it probably was.

There are no memories to recall from this time period. Similar to when i have had one too many beers, rum and cokes or margarita… Probably best i cannot recall anything at all. That way i wake up happy and carefree!!

Stay safe and have a great weekend. Do not drink and drive.

Catch you all later πŸ»β€οΈπŸ•ŠπŸŽΆπŸŽΆ

Wishes

if wishes
were fishes
i’d sail the seas
but wishes
broken dishes
fail to please

Telemarketers. Sorry i hung up on you. But you have no idea who you are asking or why i possibly would care about your cause!

I have my pet non-profits. My house would be overrun with the world’s needs if i allowed them too. But i am a free spirit! I need air to breathe!

**********πŸ€•

This world is overwhelming. The brokenness is more than this heart can embrace. I am sure there is some one else who can help you. I hope so!!! πŸ˜£πŸ’”πŸ˜’

Now my day is ruined. Moping about, worrying about the world. This is why i need to learn to laugh! πŸ˜‚ πŸ’¨πŸƒβ€β™€οΈ

pathetic

this strikes at the heart
-love, bondage to you

felt the river flow through
the winding path I dug
laid with rock and bloom

dies faster than i did
wrapped in arms
germinating hope

a callous smile
i failed to read

God bless this man
-i was, the greatest dope.

Second time around

Chewing on Glass has done it again. What? Drug a deeply buried nugget inside me, up to the surface, in order for me to see the light! I am opening up the curtains!!! The difficulty will be to keep them open. I will try to remember nothing (good?) grows in the dark, unwatered and starved. (Thanks to Emotions of Life for giving me/you food for thought regarding good versus bad growth.)

All unbeknownst to Layne, I am grateful he stepped forward and shared this blog post. Today, i will scurry to sit and think and get some where with my brother’s suicide. This memory stuck in neutral needs to be eventually parked in order for me to move forward. What stands in my way? The screeching tires, the rubber worn, the honking ignored, the empty tank, the dirty windshield…

Finally, i may get a few answers. I will need to rake through powerful memories. I cannot be afraid of the truth. And perhaps i will find closure. Perhaps not. I cannot fear to face the sorrow. The truth as raw and ugly as it appears.

The questions remain… What happened? Is it possible to heal? Maybe i will figure this out. Maybe not. But i do hope my faith is restored.

Transformation

Access life
as if, before the storm,
no longer remains.

Let me know
mold me in your image
pull the strings
sewn into my back
i live to please you
in this moment
watch the stars dance
in this night of black

How can we experience triumph?

Theodicy is an intellectual understanding of suffering. The reconstruction of self and time, remain elusive, but attainable.

We experience our new selves physically, emotionally and spiritually through time. If we fail to let go of the past, it will repeatedly reappear as a ghost in our mind. Our goal is to allow whatever was, become history. If we fail this task, we invite misery to make a home in our hearts.

Life has become exceptionally difficult. Changes abound and more changes intend to roll out.

Rambling on

I love people. β˜”οΈ I cannot stand what words form in their heads, exiting through perverted lips. I am in disbelief as i witness the world change and not for the betterment of people. It demands i too become an ignorant follower of self. I cannot find the true church. I relish past hugs from the Holy Spirit. Wind swept, i remain in those cherished moments He spoke to me. I ask forgiveness for this insistent disbelief since John left this earth. I miss my band of friends in Indiana. We did not hang out as much as i would have liked but at least i did not feel so lonely. Soon i will take a drive to the ocean. I pray the waves settle my heart enough to sleep tonightπŸ’œ 🌊 and not continue to pray my soul joins my brother in heaven.

I am
absolutely scared
to fall in love
fear the scraped knees -chasing
thoughts of evenings under the stars,
you peering into my eyes.

butterflies have a greater chance of survival
as my wings prepare -you
try one last time to win
peeling back the chrysalis
spun with gold
my wings unfold
and scatter magic dust upon your brows.