New follower and i look forward to reading more of his posts!
I Hope That You Cry When You Read This Post – Because Crying Is Healthy
no lying converges
abandoned by family
he came along
willing, she loved
yielding, she wondered
anguish reaching years
his counsel tearing
desert hearts apart
tattered dress seams
left wholly unclean
brutally honest mind
history resists mending
living among rubble
thoughts from mid June 2018
As of late i have been thinking. Endlessly the wheel rotates and nothing new is generated. My therapist called it rumination. And typically rumination has led to increased anxiety.
My anxiety is spiked. Last weekend i ran to the White Mountains. Last night i ran to Prospect Hill, to watch the sunset over Mount Wachusett.
The end was fiery.
Soon those sunsets will be a permanent reality. Life is changing. Again. Hopefully for happier memories.
A new home is on the horizon. My phoenix. My vision ripening.
This home sits across the street from a working farm. Soon my mornings will be greeted by crowing and clucking and baaaaahing. Words i can understand. Their bleetings a welcome greeting.
And i will be taking music lessons. The past homeowners are leaving behind a piano. My mother always talked of how she wanted to learn to play. She was comforted by her regrets. I learned wishes are useless unless you move to make them real.
(All the photos were taken by my daughter while i drove obeying all rules. Unlike this poor fellow or gal.)
Update: i am moved in. On Monday, July 2, 2018, boxes of stuff were dropped off. Time to unpack. So far, my mood is stable. I am ridiculously happy…
July 2nd’s sunset. Mild. Predictable. Like clockwork… i am.
at the wind
into the unknown
at her future.
as a child i nagged my parents to stop smoking… my dad was happy to quit and exclaimed “i can smell and taste again!” what should have been a breakthrough was left a defeat, mom moping and poking around, complaining as usual… she wanted her cigarettes… not wanting to smoke alone, she subsided the habit, never lit another cig again… she also never let me forget her misery was my fault…
today i am suppose to be packing… what little we brought to our temporary apartment, so i better scoot and tape up some boxes to haul stuff over to our new house… it is our home tomorrow! it feels like a Christmas, as it hasn’t felt since i got a Barbie Townhouse from Santa in the 3rd grade… i won’t go into a diatribe about the evils of believing in nonsense (perhaps another day i will reminisce about breaking my brother’s heart and getting an ass whooping) or how Barbie and Ken evokes sexual feelings in kids… might just let that be forever…
not going to fix humanity and i have given up trying… my egotistical complex has been put to rest… now off to calm this racing heart… and pack!
tomorrow waits for no one ☀️😁
I would have missed days dreaming in the hayloft of grandpa’s barn, baking pies with grandma and romping through summer meadows full of flowers and butterflies. And you?
The lovely thing is tomorrow i am moving out to the country, across the street from a farm housing goats, chickens, a few barn cats and i wonder how my writing will shift? That and my piano and paints… i am sure some things on my blog will shift… so excited!! 😁🎶
who is responsible? for me… and there is no blame to lay… early the birds chirp. have you ever heard a grumpy bird? not me… and there is no shame today… all ready to plan my day… all these baby steps, these horrid thoughts shed…
(woah, guilt, back off, this is space to spread cheer… your not welcome here…)
my greatest joy to date are all the wonderful people i met at the homeless shelter… witness women struggle and that was the place all my depression and anxiety was shed… found spiritual friends, our souls, a union… our lives, a chorus sung, entwined around a root cause… all else is ignorant complaints surrounding insecurities… playing arrogant games, leveling up our status on the backs of others… who we rise to shout down… how do we think we are better to shine as a star rather than a fellow man? this me, has gleaned wisdom, to spread my cheer…
i no longer look outward but inward and there peace resides and all the world’s negativity slides… i become the stairs to climb and reach my hand down… help my sister find her contentment… buried beside her self… she cries… the bird dead… he shivers… quietly i revive each… not in revolution but in finding solutions and working towards a common goal… no angry bird survives. no angry person thrives…
you breed strife in anger… let the melody ring… freedom is a just cause… a mind at peace is priceless… so sisters join hands and the homeless find a home in my heart.
Daniel Paul Marshall’s blog... click link to read the complete post. “Nietzsche concludes book III (268-275) of The Gay Science by posing 8 questions to himself & answering them. I found, answering them as if they were philosophically incentivized Rorschach blotches, quite revealing.”
Finally posting my answers to the 8 questions… (and yours?)
What makes one heroic? Saving yourself from doubt.
In what do you believe? Myself. My ability to contradict the obvious and assert i am nothing.
What does your conscience say? To pardon, is the first act of grace.
Where are your greatest dangers? My ability to listen and hear with my eyes.
What do you love in others? A sense of humor.
Whom do you call bad? The unmistakable persistence of a man caught in a game of chance.
What do you consider most humane? The ability to live.
What is the seal of liberation? Saying goodbye despite having just said hello.
I dabble in photography and this blog i share (see link below) always satisfies when read, with varying ways photos impact. Click link to see work displayed. This particular post is especially drawn to me as a quilter, lover of fabric and the process of piecing together lives.
“For over a decade, Sewn has taken shape from altered, chopped, merged, and recomposed photographs. …
By engaging with the photography in this way, I create work that deals with the notions of truth in photography and its impact on identity. Using family photographs and those from my family’s past albums as material for the work, the resulting imagery tells a “new truth” with reimagined memories, situations, and experiences.”
— Read on photolicioux.wordpress.com/2018/06/20/sewn/