absence in wake

Look. Do you see? This picture of me. Look. I once stood in such a door. My vow to not share. My sacred word. My vagrant thoughts.

I break the rules. So am i

desperate against myself? I truly want to be alone. Do you believe me? I think not.

What will any of this pursuit mend? The constant chatter inside our heads. What grows louder

finally succumbs to hate. or are we Love?

change happened
serendipitously
’round blanketed windows
i peeked
to find you coyly approach

erect a shining mirror
i looked and wept
comforted by plump chair
for what seems hours
you numbingly scour
endless riddled notebooks

rewound cassette tape answers
spoken shyly
perched atop tree branches
i watch
leaves fall brightly
to decompose defenses

you taught me errors
learned long ago
wearing humble clothes
ripped jeans and tattered shoes
to provide the ashes
i spread

across my forehead
and linger in this restive room
dressed by your hands
secured with door key
to stand guard against

intruders
who peek in
arrest my trialed heart
a desire to be known
my only way out.

mystery.

crazy!
he calls
after

i take
the compliment
meant to harm

morph into
his dream
swim deep

into unpleasant thoughts
surrounded by
future fights

transgressions
meek smiles forced
stretched out, about

and around me,
i welcomed
and wrapped you

into play
naively friend…
teasing

you listened
as no one ever
spanked this

hard ass
your love stung
-smack back

missing.

how can i miss
what i never had
you ask
but i did have you
and still possess

the words spilled
on my dress
the magic marker
highlights the stars
spread under the hem

this horizon
never ending
we agree to never
wash our hands
again -your grin

wiped clean by tide
a rinse cycle failure
and the poison drunk
as one forever
unto our death

in obedience we sunk

retreat.

this whispered touch
middle finger caress
splits open -borders
a wounded heart
to bleed love
and flow your way

dreamt you held
these broken bones
crushed dream -hoarder
i offered you
my orange creamsicle
spiked with fear

perched atop
you slink below
covered silk -corridor
i whisk away…
you needed more
rain to pour

chasing me into trouble
under the gun -again
and now i will never be free

pathetic

this strikes at the heart
-love, bondage to you

felt the river flow through
the winding path I dug
laid with rock and bloom

dies faster than i did
wrapped in arms
germinating hope

a callous smile
i failed to read

God bless this man
-i was, the greatest dope.