Eight years is a long time to be boxed in by walls. Forty-nine years is even longer.
Losing a loved one is difficult.
When the culprit is suicide you are a foreigner.
That you remains a memory.
Moving on becomes a battle.
The walk is painful.
Legs are weighed down and moving is impossible.
Choosing to live is an obstacle.
Thoughts of ending your life becomes reality.
Numbness shows in your face.
Then, one day arrives, and the sun shines, and your eyes adjust.
Slowly your heart allows
Eyes gazing the distance.
You are afraid to catch them.
You let the person go.
For too long I have been locked away, inside a dungeon. I have tortured myself long enough.I choose to believe I am worthy of life. I am loved. I have a purpose. I struggle but the struggle does not define who I am. I am nobody and I am somebody. I choose to be.
John 10:10…I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
I believe in sin and that belief brought me to my knees. And on my knees I found love, grace and peace. In humbleness i serve others and not myself. I love everyone as much as I love me. I feel pain because I am not hugging my brother, but I am. His smile lives on.
I allow the ocean waves to rock me and not threaten. I allow the bird’s song to be sweet and not a call to be earth. I allow me to be seen. I allow the rain’s cleansing. I…
Now I adore my life
With the Bird, the abiding Leaf,
With the Fish, the questing Snail,
And the Eye altering all;
And I dance with William Blake
For Love, for Love’s sake.
Once More, the Round (1964)