Roots (questions)

A feminist as Virginia Woolf?
I should say
my concern is not
as you think I should be
rather, I climb the hayloft to dream
passing cautiously
the tangled bull cow
desperate to be free.
A Room of One’s Own
she declares
I hardly agree
despite this venturous
solitude of heart
only room for words
fictive and unconventional.
So which am I?
I suppose
I garner to know
more than my acquaintence cares
each walking briskly -past
as an autumn leaf
we turn to be and become.

Moving parts

‘Job’ 1949 Karl Zerbe

without telling
the shame shone
rocks rattling his cage

I remember seeing this artwork at the Boston Fine Arts Museum in 2015 and it struck a cord. A cord being the rope which moved parts of me for years. 

Looking behind, I lift the rope, retrace my steps to see what has kept me alive.  It led to this day and I am happy I followed.  Courage says “I am in charge now.” 

Roots (a million dust particles)

Collage  Have you made yours?  Written your book of life?  It will serve you well.

 

Childhood school 3rd-5th grade.  It is now for sale. 

Memories are stepping stones to future endeavors and concurrently sticking points to moving on.  I would go out on a limb and say most of us have recollections somewhere tucked away, perhaps yours in the back of the mind.  Memories are the collage of  life and when painted, varied and unique.  Mine would be a mixture of social responsibility and natural endeavors.

“For myself, the only way I know how to make a book is to construct it like a collage: a bit of dialogue here, a scrap of narrative, an isolated description of a common object, an elaborate running metaphor which threads between the sequences and holds different narrative lines together.”  Hilary Mantel

I am a country and city girl and one without the other would be unacceptable.  One scenery fulfills the needs the other could never replicate.  My father was a farm boy, the middle child and the first to do many endeavors.  He was the first child in his family to be bused to school, was a terrific student but with a will to be independent he took off to explore.   He worked odd jobs to buy his first piece of cool transportation.  That car triggered his solo flight to somewhere, anywhere, leaving his mother to mourn his departure.  My mother was a city girl who touted education as a way to success.  Their individual outlooks on life seem to clash but it worked for them.  They eventually sharpened the other to be respectively educated and likewise garner a love of the natural world.

The foundation of life was set long ago, centuries to be exact.  The million dust particles are but the sand dunes we are destined to crawl through.  I believe it is education and a love of reading, inquiring philosophically, psychologically and spiritually, regarding man’s destiny, that serves us well.  And when we need a break we can rely on the beach waves to take us far, far away.

“Suppose within each book there is another book, and within every letter on every page another volume constantly unfolding; but these volumes take no space on the desk. Suppose knowledge could be reduced to a quintessence, held within a picture, a sign, held within a place which is no place. Suppose the human skull were to become capacious, spaces opening inside it, humming chambers like beehives.”  Hilary Mantel, Wolf Hall

Click here should you like to hear Hilary Mantel’s five Reith Lectures, Resurrection: The Art and Craft.
 

 

 

Roots (storyteller)

“Are you a teller?”

“Do you mean a confessor?”

“No. I mean a teller. A teller of stories?”

It seems fitting one should stop here and think, am I? Are we?  Someone once encouraged me to be a writer. She was a shield from the world. I hid behind her in fear. 

**********************************

Eyes pierce through tender skin, skin as transparent as vellum. One could see through the intricacies; blood flow and muscle tissue forming that lacked strength. Passersby would watch the skin peel away each day, parting a course for a larger skeleton that housed parts of her most ignored. Everyone but me. I saw more than I wanted to know. 

One in a million (along the seashore 7-11-2017)

Roots (endless conversations)

“Bet you dont know?” smirks a friend.

“No, i dont.”  A splendid confession I was proud to concede as honesty has always been a good friend.  The problem was doubt sunk in.  “What should i know?”

“I dont know.”  A pause ensues and confusion from both parties.  Together we pondered “What is there to know?”

From there we politely parted ways, perplexed as to what next to do with our respective lives. 

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Do any of us really know our purpose?  I recall as a kid having a myriad of dreams. I wanted to be a teacher, lawyer, school counselor, dancer and even a missionary in the inner city for single moms and their kids. I am none of those. I am exactly the opposite in all regards but as I head into the second act I return to my roots. 

All dreams stem from seeds and what heart is fertile produces endless blossoms.

Illinois prairie restoration 7/7/2017

Save your life before someone takes it

In fear and trembling,
destiny’s road perishes.
With courage, horizons come to light.

Buddhism makes sense if life was as easy as smiling at the future. I strive for a personal peace (which i mostly acquired) making sense of “adult” ideas and ideals, finding myself buried under people’s wants and wishes. The partnership of those concepts drives anxiety. Develops depression.

I never see what has been done; I only see what remains to be done.
–Buddha

To live takes courage, to creatively think outside the box. Potential journeys appear predestined, forged from a void. Mystical visions of a foreign future guided by voices. A message to undergird a developed determination, a way forward donned in pants, carried strength in blind faith and as we all die, meet our end.

I ask, “Are we (not) happy in the pursuit?” I imagine we are, carrying our heart to the fire. This fire burns in countless imaginations. We do not stand in line and wait for the world to shine, we shine in and for it.

There may be a great fire in our hearts, yet no one ever comes to warm himself at it, and the passers-by see only a wisp of smoke. –V. van Gogh

Who rules? There must be order. Rules. Direction. I do not consider myself an anarchist, rather an advocate. All humanity at some point in time has felt invisible, depressed, confused, hungry for love. The greatest way to make change is be change.

What is your aim in philosophy?
To show the fly the way out of the fly-bottle.
–Ludwig Littgenstein

May. Math. Motivation.

To all graduates.  In memory of my brother.  I am sorry I let you down, my pursuit in your honor.  To my son, the future is yours to get and give and enjoy between the toil.

Four years is a lifetime for an 18 year old heading to college and triumph is a Bachelor degree in hand.  The Indiana University chemistry graduation commencement speech was given by a professor who related The Goldilocks Theory of one means against another.  The trial of studies and the triumph of studies, a paradoxical life lived.  We get what we give.  Between the two is gratitude.

““Can a truly absurd universe so convincingly mimic a meaningful one?” 
–Paul Davies, astrophysicist

Live a temporary means of life and death, birth and burial; the golden middle.  Aristotle, an ancient Greek philosopher, desired the difference between two extremes, one excess and the other deficiency.  We need not depression or fire but the calm presence of others who direct us on this pilgrimage.  In our quest for truth we learn to understand our perceptions are skewed by environment and inner thoughts.  In truth lies beauty.  In beauty lies hope.  In hope lies peace.

“He who has overcome his fears will truly be free.”  —Aristotle

Between courage and bondage lies freedom.  Wisdom to know the difference between pain and healing sprouts wings.  Between pursuit and victory lies life.  Now the graduate is set free to move from the cocoon to find self.

“Without friends, no one would want to live, even if he had all other goods.”
–Aristotle

Graduate, surround yourself not as an island who scours the land and sets sail to new beginnings.  Lay roots in other hearts and share generously the fruit of your labor.  We who are left alone are but food for greed.

I have wanted to write this since Saturday and finally found time to share.  Always, J

 

 

Senseless

misty words confuse
but as days pass
new meaning emerges

some speak wisdom
give direction
lighten paths indistinct

it is senseless to
ask “why” when
you believe in “where, when and how”

The desire of power in excess caused the angels to fall; the desire of knowledge in excess caused man to fall: but in charity there is no excess; neither can angel nor man come in danger by it.–Sir Francis Bacon

“prattle without practice” William Shakespeare, Othello