Posted in Advice, Opinion, Poetry, quotes, Sermons, Soul Journal

November 1, 2016 (morning thoughts)

I overhear people on the street, in every conversation, expressing “Where has this year gone?” and soon New Years will be upon them and they will start all over again. Another year, 2017, to find themselves  expressing regret, if it is regret.

I know each day passes by.
I know life is fleeting.
Some days I pray
day becomes wind,
blowing away and blowing in.  J.

What catches us off guard to days passing? What is it I want to do with my days that I let pass by, that I have not done? Once upon a time, afflicted with debilitating grief, depression and anxiety took over my mind. Soldiers of dark they were and yet I held on to them as dear friends, who helped relieve guilt of things unsaid and love held back.

It was stolen. As most beautiful things eventually are.”
–J.J. Abrams, S.

I believe it is the relationships never forged, to move beyond hello, that we regret. We long to find a soul who understands us completely. At least I do. How often rejection becomes the sole wall we never conquer. Fear strikes the most formidable person of courage. It is fear that makes love obsolete.

where has love gone
hiding behind faces
afraid to interact
made fun of, rejected?

how else are we ever to understand
the mind of another
if we do not extend hearts and hands
express our need to utter?

words, why worry?
Depression and Anxiety twins.
Twins playing tricks
with no treats, no win.   J.

No doubt there is much to worry about. The question becomes how to control what we can so we reap fruitful rewards.

When we are released from the mind’s demon, we see the world from a fresh perspective and wonder what next. What beautiful thing exists around the bend?

***

My thoughts this morning as I approach the day. Will I ever understand knowing there is much to comprehend? I, a pot on a potter’s wheel, broken and mended, rearranged and defended against the pain of the world.

Keep searching. This is what I pray for today. So easily rejected. So easily to reach out again. No matter how I might find myself yearning to be safe in the dark again, a place of comfort I knew and know so well, I keep fighting.

I look forward to reading J.J. Abrams book, “S.”

 

Posted in Advice, Photography, Poetry, quotes, Soul Journal, travel

capsized

Seek knowledge of multiple aspects in life; relationships are complicated.
img_6212-2
Capsized. Off coast of Monhegan Island, ME May 2016

I feel a need
explain myself, hoping misconceptions
do not blur the mirror between our faces.
Our breath fogging up the air.

Waves are what you believe.
Rowing towards another
smooth sailing desired
frantically head towards the shore.

Prepare for the storm
learn navigation, obstacles overcome
hide in the corner, drowning all senses
to trust or mistrust.

Cheating ourselves of courage
of what could be
love atop a mountain view
or mourning under sea.

Ocean rowing is very much what you make it. Rowing technique is pretty irrelevant on the ocean. It’s the psychology that’s important.   –Roz Savage

A child capsized before they realize they have wings, a poor prognosis to rise above. Faulty  attachment leads to mistrust. See the hollow eyes looking back at you? What to do?

There are approximately 500,000 children in the United States in foster care. How else could a heart be broken? Children sinking in a great fissure of happiness and despair. There is hope. A nugget of faith to embrace. A chance to grasp what knowledge gives a person to soar above the noise and reach a point of need. A life purpose I sail towards, navigating bumps and bruises, of my own, as I witness sadness beyond the horizons. Yet I keep believing.  One child saved is worth my life. One smile worth more than gold and gems.

In a sense I travel the confines of another mind. That can freak people out. Who dare look within? I blame no one. I avoided it but now I am grateful to that person who listened. No matter how pathetic I sounded, he rode the waves out. I imagine I put fear into his mind. The multiple thoughts of suicide; knives, ropes and pills. It would cause anyone panic. Towards the end, I thanked him profusely. The mending of multiple people inside that realized only the one who could mentally handle what happened. Essentially sparing others the need to fathom the horror.
I know this all sounds crazy. I feel crazy some days. Especially when I become so open to others I barely know. In a sense hiding behind this screen. Fleeing when I have had enough. I know that as long as the words remain within and I have yet to let them go I will continue to post (warning some posts will be dark and understand if you unfollow) and read and chug along this funny thing called “life”. Ahhhh, then to understand death. Not sure I have enough time to go that far. Be well.

Thanks for reading. Happy to be a Word Press blogger. Enjoying  my time. And all that.  –Jeanne

 

Posted in Poetry

Untitled

Making the voyage
may not be possible.
Spreading my wings
I fear myself.

I feel a shift. I don’t mind.
The vivid colors keep me company.

You gaze at the
bottom of the ocean.
Do you see words
that give me away?

I feel a shift. I don’t answer.
The power to talk is never enough.

How do I handle
these thoughts?
They circle with little
will they topple me.

My world has shifted. I do mind.
A glorious future will never be known.

Posted in Photography, Poetry

Running

Always running
the thoughts in my mind
that follow my legs
to a different time
when flowers were blooming
and the rains were sweet.
The tempest hollows at my feet.

Always turning
around in my head
the voices and visions
that block the view
of majesty, glory and all that’s new.
The magic stands alone.
I run ahead.

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here.” William Shakespeare

Today may just be the day! Today! Celebrate that you have survived and made it through the storm. The winds still blow. The sun still sets. The sun also rises. It gives us courage to keep on breathing. I will!

“We run… because we enjoy it. The more restricted our society and work become, the more necessary it will be to find some outlet for this craving for freedom. The human spirit is indomitable.” -Sir Roger Bannister, first runner to run a sub-4 minute mile

God, I have run to the cross and I have sprinted away from your arms. I have walked the edge and planted my feet securely on the ground. I will continue to wrestle with myself and make peace with others. I will continue to grow and accept today. I believe! Amen.

Happy writing,

Always,
jeannelizabeth©

Follow the Son

“Keep your face to the sunshine
and you cannot see the shadows.
It’s what the sunflowers do.”

Posted in Photography, Poetry

Celestial Glory

Did you happen to look up to the heavens Sunday evening,
September 8, 2013, shortly after sunset?

Celestial glory

I did, because I knew the Moon and Venus
would be sharing space,
close enough to capture them in the same frame.

I looked up yesterday evening, September 9, 2013, and already they had parted ways.

The Moon is easily recognizable. Venus is the small white dot, to the right of the Moon.

Thanks to fellow bloggers, I am now aware of this weeks significance. It is Suicide Awareness Week, from Sunday, September 8 until Sunday, September 15. I will always remember you, dear brother, even though I no longer see you.

Your smile etched
in the interior,
never erased.
Your hug warmed
the cold wind,
it now penetrates.
Your laughter lifted
me to the moon,
and higher.
You told me not to worry,
you were doing fine.
You were not okay,
you were wrong.
You are
gone!

Happy writing,

Always,
jeannelizabeth©