Posted in Photography, Poetry

Chamomile

First Harvest May 25, 2022
delightful season
center in on your mellow
keep being the light

“Restrain an inordinate desire for knowledge, in which is found much anxiety and deception. Learned men always wish to appear so, and desire recognition of their wisdom. But there are many matters, knowledge of which brings little or no advantage to the soul.” —Thomas A. Kempis

Posted in Musings, Poetry

Twelve Years and Counting

Twelve Years…….and counting?

Hard to believe 12 years has come and gone.

Im not much with words lately. So this post remains brief. Praying for peace to prevail in the world. My faith has staggered for so long. My feet wobbly, my heart faint. I hope you are well. As well as you possibly can be in the midst of what our eyes see. And our ears hear the words so freely flow…. What do any of those words even mean anymore?

Posted in Musings

When People Confuse Your Having Boundaries and Standards with Having “An Attitude”

When People Confuse Your Having Boundaries and Standards with Having “An Attitude”

When People Confuse Your Having Boundaries and Standards with Having “An Attitude”


— Read on cheriewhite.blog/2020/12/28/when-people-confuse-your-having-boundaries-and-standards-with-having-an-attitude/

Cherie is writing some great articles on bullies, abusers, and boundaries. 💥

If you spend your life sparing people’s feelings and feeding their vanity, you get so you can’t distinguish what should be respected in them.

F. Scott Fitzgerald
Posted in Poetry

boredom

who wants chaos?
yet we invite the virus
to our homes and schools
we beg for mercy
from "the man"
and dangle off his chest hairs

what if we changed course
kept rhyme ‘n reason the game
played straight
no cheaters under the table
left the fable in books
changed our looks

became the people
we were created to be
not bowing to fame
overrated success breeds greed
compliance with the germs
faked victim mentality

I originally wrote this in 2018. I have no recollection what prompted the words then. Today, they could be applied to Covid. Yeah, I follow society’s mask code. But not when Im out in nature, breathing in and out. I refuse the mask when I am true to who I am. Fear is nothing I subscribe to. When I pass from this realm, it will be with courage, wrapped up in my free-flowing hair.

Posted in Art, Musings

Painting with Scissors Matisse Style

Life is a dress rehearsal. Every day reminds me of yesterday’s failures, today’s possibilities, and tomorrow’s reminders. Today, my biggest question to myself centers around my faith that someone greater (for me God) exists beyond my imagination.

What exists in my view is awfully short of some angelic heaven.

Are we creating a heaven on earth? Who is out of bounds with creating such a horrific world? Why do we go from bad to worse with every new year? Who is winning this never-ending battle of wits?

Politics is no answer. The spirit of love must overcome the drought of not seeking others or understanding them. Forgiveness is more necessary than ever. Anger and bitterness, when allowed to take root, pave the way to destruction. Hate drains the blood and leaves us tired of life. The consequence of despair is a hopeless dance.

Are you doing your part to create a beautiful world? Are you spreading cheer? Loving your neighbor or finding fault? Blaming race or religion, using both as an excuse to further harm life on earth? Hiding your love under a bushel?

There can be peace and goodwill. And we do not have to cancel God to achieve those ends. We must cancel our fleshly desires and embrace our neighbors as ourselves.

Posted in Poetry, prose

Freakout Voice

Hypocrites. All of us jaded. (WP library)

Unfortunately, this is true. My mind is running ragged. Throwing thread-bare cloth to the ground. Nothing fits in the tired luggage i lug around.

So i am sitting here. Typing on my phone. To an audience i cannot smile towards. Or notice the faces that hold an ounce of cure. Hoping fate drags me from this gear that imprisons my soul.

Contradicting myself, i slump back into my head. Wallow in my memory, to bank an unknown future on prayer alone.

Alone.

Posted in letters, Memoir, Poetry, prose

diary excerpt —the old broke through

Felt brave -well enough, so i peered into the book and read his words. Our words.

Jan 19, 2017, 2:13 PM

Stopped my thoughts

and when i stopped
writing you
voices flooded in -mocking

“Why are you bothering?”
“You’re not going to make it?”

Concentrate on anything
but this
this tight chest and lorazepam.

The knife digs in -relentless.

“Just take it.” I hear.

Forced to give in
I conquer fear.

i feel safe.
i’m home.
And that can be
a problem
i need to overcome.

Do u think it is social anxiety because i read something and it made sense. But also about attachments and neurosis.

Do u know when u dont answer i can find myself growing anxious. Second guessing myself, not feeling safe for saying stuff i mean to keep to myself. I havent been bothered lately. I find myself looking around but im okay. Just a couple times, anxious, and

upset with myself because of this.

I cant be still not knowing what to do. Should, or rather, i need to talk.

I dont know and that makes it bad. Then another thing, this taking medicine. Should i try to stop. Maybe ill be all right. But what if not. Will it just cause more harm. Fretting that im stuck in this hole. But i dont feel stuck now, everyone is gone. Its okay. Its better that way. This is long.

Sorry.

I only notice when I leave the house. Looking out

the top floor window seemed safe to leave; leaving was a totally different reality.

“What do you think? I feel like i should be able to go outside but find myself sleeping, not able to move.” He didn’t have an answer.

“I think ill be okay. Thought maybe if i came to talk every 2 months…” She continued the conversation but never realized he was closed off to her after too many years of stagnation.

The escape. A shadow dances, from out the corner of her eye. Her mind unable to override the dark sky.

——–

Stopping my thoughts today? Good luck. I finish my papers but when i stop writing it all floods in, mocking me. “Why are you bothering? Your not going to make it?”

After a while, trying to write, i just couldnt write. Couldnt concentrate on anything but this. My chest is tight and hurts. I tried relaxing, taking lorazapam. Nothing works.

Its all front and center reminding me its not over no matter how much i wish and want to be free. I have no answers or know what im doing wrong.

All i did was stop and something took advantage of the weak wall.

The old broke through.

Posted in Musings, Photography, Poetry, Soul Journal

Thoughts unleashed…

Color Captioned

Every day starts with a new thought. Today was no different.

The past few days I have woken to water views of The Atlantic. Her blue waves are far worse than mine. The first day we met, I settled into the sun breaking free from her horizon. The warmth cut the chill enough to sit on the deck chair and zen the morning away.

I suppose this morning is a warning that the carefree moments never last longer than a brisk wind’s cold slap to the face. She woke up wild. I woke, arms wrapped around a blanket, hot mug in hand, giving thanks for her hospitality the past week. And for a relationship that has just begun.