unknown and known

Sunday morning reading. A new nature of heart, soul and mind.

Counting the twinkling stars
sometimes minute by minute
blue sky bedding down
blood red sea drowns

True story. When my brother passed from here I wondered where he was. Not at the moment, feeling only cold and distant from where I was. Miles away, in time, I took to understand man, his fascination with death and life and all that exists in between. Why should a man yearn to leave love, feeling only despair?

Traveling a country road, my daughter at the wheel, unable to see through tears, I lifted my being. It was a curve in the road where one could see far into the distance. I saw and heard a voice, a voice traveling through space, a bright yellow, red and orange, and he said clearly “Do not worry. I am okay.” My heart rested a moment.

Today I wrestle with questions. I fear unanswerable. What holds me is faith in my countenance. A belief in visions and dreams.

C.S. Lewis Reflections on the Psalms, discusses Psalms of death. Knowing death is of everyone’s concern. Death. And then we must consider life. Life.

Death and life,
life and death.
Heaven and hell
or only earth.

“Most of us find that our belief in the future life is strong only when God is in the center of our thoughts; that if we try to use the hope of ‘Heaven’ as a compensation it crumbles away. …maintained only by arduous efforts of controlled imagination; and we know in our hearts that the imagination is our own.”

Dance of life
let me be
quiet for moments
catch my breath
and love my hope to be.

 

Word on the street

Sunday morning poetry. Church: words spoken to me, shared lovingly with you. My second chance to shape my faith every Sunday for a year.

I am late to write today. My morning routine was broken up by overnight guests stumbling down the steps trapping me into watching the Amazon Prime miniseries “Bosch”. I headed out the door at noon to catch the Sunday Matinee of “Newsies”, the Tony Award winning play performing at Clowe’s Memorial Hall, Butler University.

Being home again, I could easily blow off posting but I am happy to put on comfy clothes and hammer out a few thoughts. Driving home the car wheels picked up plenty of fodder. There is inspiration in the political atmosphere; the tragedy of the Middle East, the repercussions of becoming a religious zealot and stoking people’s hate for things they do not care to understand.

I am not worried.
I have inward peace
in such times. That solace
which cannot be stolen.

I am aware of the other end of this “peace” bridge where I have hung by a thread, dangling in the dark, with no one paying attention to the silent screams. My enemy feeds off this past leaving me with a gaping vulnerability.

Psalm 148:5 Let them praise the name of the LORD,
For He commanded and they were created.
6 He has also established them forever and ever;
He has made a decree which will not pass away.

My heart is rebuilding. There are days I read God’s Word without breaking down into hysterical weeping. I live through raging waters that cause thoughts of prematurely wanting to say goodbye. This scares me just as much as my neighbor. At least I imagine they care.

My prayer.
Passing days
soften my heart.
Let me breathe
this promised peace.

What future is there? In a lost world that is traveling fast towards abyss, science does not give my heart rest. God tells us in Psalm 148 that His decree will not pass away. I turn to my child-like faith of yesterday, torn from me by a dark world, and graciously being restored bit by bit by a loving God. What harm can His assurance bring me?

redemption draws nigh

Shame
burn the evil
fear the sane.
Vessel of reason
be willing to hear
Good News.
I wonder aloud
Do I believe
my old ways?
Miracles change
me ever so slowly.
Morphing a new creation.

Doubt separates us.
I am
just as I am
sharpened by wisdom
willing to revolt.
I will pray for you.

Lift up your heads, you gates; lift them up, you ancient doors, that the King of glory may come in.  Psalm 24:9

For Your loving kindness is great to the heavens And Your truth to the clouds. 11 Be exalted above the heavens, O God; Let Your glory be above all the earth. Psalm 57:10-11

That Your beloved may be delivered, save with Your right hand, and answer me!
Psalm 108:6

My sentiments today. I feel deficient. I feel laughable. The scrutiny of the public eye leaves me vulnerable. Is it reasonable to imagine others are vulnerable too?