Posted in Photography, Poetry

Spirit of Place

Evensong June 3, 2022
in a search 
that brought me here
upon a helm
of transformation
to cleanse my thoughts
of introspection
and focus on people’s healing

the task is naught
i often fear
then hope arrives upon the clouds
to shelter us from sudden doom
and resume our fervent cry
in hopes the heavens hear
the daily drumbeat we supply
All sorts of lovely June 3, 2022

Last night i took the time to acknowledge how grateful i am for all this beauty surrounding my senses. Peace resides here. And within my body.

There will always be turmoil in the world. We must search for the presence of the Creator in whatever place we call home.

Posted in Photography, Poetry

A need exists

Read the signs
We often know the future
the sky speaks of what is to come
and yet we fail to read the faces passing us by

everyday the sun sinks further
into our bellies of gluttony
seeking pleasure at the expense of our neighbor.
Posted in Musings, Photography, Poetry, Soul Journal

Do not despair

Sunny days are here again
darkness pervades air 
sheltering prayer covers face
one more night to bare

The greatest hazard of all, losing one’s self, can occur very quietly in the world, as if it were nothing at all. No other loss can occur so quietly; any other loss – an arm, a leg, five dollars, a wife, etc. – is sure to be noticed. —Søren Kierkegaard

Have you noticed yourself slipping into the quiet of thought? What can you do to keep yourself afloat? Who answers your call when you shout?

Posted in Art, Musings, Poetry

My blog got me through

Watercoloring. 2021

Connecting with others here on WordPress saved me from utter destruction. And for that i am grateful. And in the process, i have returned to my first love. Creating is my lifeline and my grace to get me through to the other side.

Working Out my Angst. 2021

Growing up i was denied every aspect of self for the greater good. And as much as i love my family, to neglect myself was detrimental in the long run. I lost my brother to suicide. And i still have trouble understanding that relationship. We were very close growing up. Until we drifted apart. Friends until high school, when his sudden budding interest in girls, sparked a fissure.

I will never fully understand suicide. The thoughts of doing away with self, once gripped me too. For thirty some years i thought it through. Jumping from second-story windows, holding my breath under pillows, imaging myself driving the car off a bridge, and holding a knife to my neck while talking to my therapist. I had my ideas. Pills and razors, ropes hanging from rafters. They all presented peace of mind.

I have wandered through the ensuing fog. I have spent countless nights in tears. I sacrificed myself for the greater good all while dying a slow death.

I started practicing art in recent years. Whether photography, watercolor, acrylics, textiles, or garden seeds, i have found my inner sense of life. In my poetic words i have tried to let you see a bit more of what stirs inside. And even though i am unable to practice my first love, dance, i found a place to move internally.

So take your bow. 
See me stand before light.
You saved a life.
In disguise. 2021

Please do not use any of my photos without my permission. Thank you.

To John. 3/1/2008.
Posted in Photography, Poetry

xxxxxx

Cant say i believe 
the words
spilling
from contraptions of reality
more digital than heart

the love is farce

and wounds bleed
while you step in line.
To listen to you
akin to the first

fire
shot.

Love has become cheap tequila
in an unsalted rim.
Posted in Photography, Poetry

sea glass rising

Eastport, Maine
Can you know this feeling
peering underneath blue
hollow bones trapped in bearded wrecks

seashell words
smashed beneath waves

gutted hearts
tangled, twisted ‘round our legs.

Who dare put out our fire
feet ensnared with desire
upon this sandcastle built?

Come find me washed ashore
waiting for your adore
disappearing…

yet some more
sea glass rising.

Yet some more
sea glass… rising from the dead
we dance together at last.
Posted in Photography, Poetry

Im awake. For what reason, i have no idea.
There is no prayer left in me.

I haven’t given up. Im just feeling a bit numb. The curtains are pulled and the heart sinks fast.

Just how im feeling. Wonder who else feels such things. There is no reason to feel this way. Unless these aren’t my feelings so much as how the world appears.

Posted in Photography, Poetry
Mood ring
I once put on
to watch the colors change.
And when the colors
didn’t align
with how i wanted things
the ring came off
and drowned in ebony.

And i wash away everything
everything within sight.
To be still in heaven’s light.
And pray tomorrow never comes.
Posted in Photography, Poetry

Feeling good about myself and others.

Home Bound

I haven’t posted many of my thoughts lately. Mostly out of a cringe in my stomach telling me to hold back the tide of bile. An anger lurks underneath the bed.

And you are healing? Aren’t you feeling your way out of the dark yet?

Ive been here so long. You fit like a glove. The peeling back of every layer. Every fear succumbs to my scratching fever. The bedside table rarely tips. The icy water barely sipped.